Today while I was out running errands both boys fell asleep in the car. This is rare...for both boys to be asleep at the same time.
When James woke up he was so confused as to why he was waking up in the garage.
He groggily stumbled in.
Brad and I got an opportunity to ask Dr. Regueira a lot more questions today. I would love to be able to say that we have a much greater peace about things now but we don't. The truth is that Jude still has cancer.
One thing that has helped me understand the staging better is that he told me stage 4s is like being between stage 1 and stage 2. I don't know why they numbered it the way they did...aside from to give sleep-deprived overwhelmed mothers complete heart attacks when they hear the number 4. It's just a cruel and ugly trick. But regardless...at least it's not stage 2, 3, or regular 4. Dr. Regueira told us that Jude will follow the 3 year protocol that he gave us then beyond that, if there have been no changes, he will be checked annually every year for the rest of his life.
Other discouraging facts I learned today: he is at a higher risk for the neuroblastoma coming back (duh), he is at a higher risk for developing other forms of cancer, and if we had other children-they would be at a higher risk for having cancer (yes, we will be getting James checked). The good news...this could completely go away on its own! This is a strange form of cancer that can just go away. This is what I am choosing to believe is going to happen with Jude.
I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking about cancer, chemo, hospitals, doctors, death, protocols, staging, pathology, scans, neuroblastoma, blood work and all of the other new things that have so rudely crashed into our pretty little life. But I'm still thankful that Jude is doing as well as he is. I'm thankful that it's not worse. I am thankful that because of Jesus I can have HOPE. I am thankful that the Lord understands when I'm tired and worn out and confused....when I've run out of words to pray. I am thankful for the ways He is increasing mine and Brad's faith and dependency on Him. I am thankful that my husband is a strong, courageous man that loves the Lord and his family. I am thankful for my two beautiful little boys. I have way more to be thankful and joyful about than not!
My Daddy has cancer yet he is a walking miracle. He is doing so well! Our God does great and powerful things. He heals! He can do this with Jude too. I have a living, breathing, healthy miracle right before my eyes of what the Lord can do in my Dad. The Lord is stronger than cancer.
I wake up every morning and have that very brief moment when I'm not thinking and none of this is real...then it hits me...that this is our new reality. Jude has cancer. It is a sinking, sick feeling. Everyday. It makes me not even want to go to sleep so that I don't have to wake up and feel it again. But PRAISE GOD that His mercies are new every morning.
Lamentations 3:22-24-The Lord's love never ends; His mercies never stop. They are new every morning; Lord, your loyalty is great. I say to myself, "The Lord is mine, so I hope in Him."
~~~~~
Brad and I got an opportunity to ask Dr. Regueira a lot more questions today. I would love to be able to say that we have a much greater peace about things now but we don't. The truth is that Jude still has cancer.
One thing that has helped me understand the staging better is that he told me stage 4s is like being between stage 1 and stage 2. I don't know why they numbered it the way they did...aside from to give sleep-deprived overwhelmed mothers complete heart attacks when they hear the number 4. It's just a cruel and ugly trick. But regardless...at least it's not stage 2, 3, or regular 4. Dr. Regueira told us that Jude will follow the 3 year protocol that he gave us then beyond that, if there have been no changes, he will be checked annually every year for the rest of his life.
Other discouraging facts I learned today: he is at a higher risk for the neuroblastoma coming back (duh), he is at a higher risk for developing other forms of cancer, and if we had other children-they would be at a higher risk for having cancer (yes, we will be getting James checked). The good news...this could completely go away on its own! This is a strange form of cancer that can just go away. This is what I am choosing to believe is going to happen with Jude.
I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking about cancer, chemo, hospitals, doctors, death, protocols, staging, pathology, scans, neuroblastoma, blood work and all of the other new things that have so rudely crashed into our pretty little life. But I'm still thankful that Jude is doing as well as he is. I'm thankful that it's not worse. I am thankful that because of Jesus I can have HOPE. I am thankful that the Lord understands when I'm tired and worn out and confused....when I've run out of words to pray. I am thankful for the ways He is increasing mine and Brad's faith and dependency on Him. I am thankful that my husband is a strong, courageous man that loves the Lord and his family. I am thankful for my two beautiful little boys. I have way more to be thankful and joyful about than not!
My Daddy has cancer yet he is a walking miracle. He is doing so well! Our God does great and powerful things. He heals! He can do this with Jude too. I have a living, breathing, healthy miracle right before my eyes of what the Lord can do in my Dad. The Lord is stronger than cancer.
I wake up every morning and have that very brief moment when I'm not thinking and none of this is real...then it hits me...that this is our new reality. Jude has cancer. It is a sinking, sick feeling. Everyday. It makes me not even want to go to sleep so that I don't have to wake up and feel it again. But PRAISE GOD that His mercies are new every morning.
Lamentations 3:22-24-The Lord's love never ends; His mercies never stop. They are new every morning; Lord, your loyalty is great. I say to myself, "The Lord is mine, so I hope in Him."
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Megan