Friday, September 7, 2018
"Box Day" is like a homeschoolers Christmas. It is the day when all of the new curriculum arrives and we get to open it up and see what exciting, wonderful things we get to learn this school year. That day was today!!! We basically attacked the poor FedEx guy when he pulled up. We start school Monday and we are all so excited!
Since I posted last, we had a sad last Christmas with Daddy, moved into a new home, lost my precious Daddy, lost my aunt, had cancer scares, a major wreck, a wonderful summer vacation, lost fair-weather friends, experienced deepened friendships, celebrated my grandmother's 100th birthday, and welcomed a new sweet puppy into our lives. Through it all the grief we've experienced has been overwhelming and suffocating and almost more than we can stand. I wish I could say that I had handled Daddy's passing graciously and that it was a faith-strengthening experience but I didn't, and it wasn't. It has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through. It is now 5 months later and there are days when I feel like I might just survive this and other days when I know for sure I won't. I WILL trust the Lord through this process though. I have to. What other choice is there? I just miss him and it hangs a dark cloud over every day. If I don't keep my mind busy, if it happens to wander over to thoughts of him, tears roll unwelcome and uncontrolled down my face. So I keep my mind busy all the time. I feel like I can only really grieve, the deep gut-wrenching grief, when the kids aren't around. Not that I don't want them to see me grieving, because they have, but the true work of grieving that needs to be done would not be good for them to see. So I only grieve in little bursts when I'm alone. That is why, 5 months later, I'm not as far down the road as I probably should be or wish that I was. I'm probably not doing this right, or even the way I wish I was doing it, but I am doing it the only way I can. That will have to suffice.
1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
A verse that has been a comfort to me lately is Exodus 14:14-The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Honestly, I've needed Him to fight for me lately because I haven't felt much like fighting at all. I'm so thankful I have a Heavenly Father who won't let me go. There is comfort and peace in that.