Since I posted last, we had a sad last Christmas with Daddy, moved into a new home, lost my precious Daddy, lost my aunt, had cancer scares, a major wreck, a wonderful summer vacation, lost fair-weather friends, experienced deepened friendships, celebrated my grandmother's 100th birthday, and welcomed a new sweet puppy into our lives. Through it all the grief we've experienced has been overwhelming and suffocating and almost more than we can stand. I wish I could say that I had handled Daddy's passing graciously and that it was a faith-strengthening experience but I didn't, and it wasn't. It has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through. It is now 5 months later and there are days when I feel like I might just survive this and other days when I know for sure I won't. I WILL trust the Lord through this process though. I have to. What other choice is there? I just miss him and it hangs a dark cloud over every day. If I don't keep my mind busy, if it happens to wander over to thoughts of him, tears roll unwelcome and uncontrolled down my face. So I keep my mind busy all the time. I feel like I can only really grieve, the deep gut-wrenching grief, when the kids aren't around. Not that I don't want them to see me grieving, because they have, but the true work of grieving that needs to be done would not be good for them to see. So I only grieve in little bursts when I'm alone. That is why, 5 months later, I'm not as far down the road as I probably should be or wish that I was. I'm probably not doing this right, or even the way I wish I was doing it, but I am doing it the only way I can. That will have to suffice.
1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
A verse that has been a comfort to me lately is Exodus 14:14-The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Honestly, I've needed Him to fight for me lately because I haven't felt much like fighting at all. I'm so thankful I have a Heavenly Father who won't let me go. There is comfort and peace in that.
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