Hope

Last night was the American Cancer Society Survivor dinner.  My little Jude was this years Honorary Survivor as well as this years Youngest Survivor.  These were never things I wanted to be honoring my sweet son for.  In fact, if you had told me three months ago that I would be speaking at the ACS Survivor dinner on behalf of Jude, I never would have believed you...or never would have wanted to believe you.  Brad is out of town but my sweet Mom and Dad came with Jude, James and I.  I was so thankful to have them there with me.

 

 

My friend Heidi and her husband were in charge of putting together the dinner and they did a phenomenal job!  Heidi made these displays for the tables that featured survivor stories.  Here is Jude's.

James behaved like a little gentleman.  I was proud of him for controlling himself (fairly well) for 2 1/2 hours.

Jude was pretty good too.  Papa kept him consoled with puffs snacks.

My friend (and teammate) Bonnie was there with her precious little survivor Emery.  Emery is also a neuroblastoma survivor.

I made it through and only got choked up once.  I quickly realized that I could not look at my sweet Daddy who was holding Jude or else I would never make it through without crying.  It meant a lot to me that I got to introduce my two cancer survivors on such a special night.  But again...I wished that I was not honoring them for this particular reason.  Makes me sad.

The emcee later asked all of the cancer survivors to stand.  Talk about holding back the tears.  Sheesh.

(In case you didn't know...my Dad was diagnosed with Carcinoid cancer a little over 3 years ago).

When we got back to Mom and Dad's after the dinner we were thrilled to see my sister Christi just arriving with two of her sons Grant and Brock!  I think James fainted from excitement.  He LOVES his cousins.

 

And I love the energy he expends when they are here.

This morning they boys looked for some roly polies.  James calls them roady poadies.

Brock is particularly brave in the bug department which is one of my biggest deficits so I am glad someone was able to do the boy bug thing with him because it sure as heck isn't going to be me.  Ever.

And I am not entirely sure what is going on here because I wasn't there at the time, but judging from James' body language, it must have been a real snoozefest for a 2 year old.

 

 

Later he did some pull-ups.  His Daddy would be so proud!

Ok...so he might have had a little help from Nana.

But he still got a good workout in.

James is having some issues in the brotherly love department.  He's totally not feeling it.  He still hopes we can give Jude away.  He doesn't like for Jude to touch him.  At all.  Ever.  You can see that Jude was clearly invading his space here.

I am currently taking the ignore-it-and-he-will-grow-out-of-it approach since all of my other efforts have failed.  But my Mom and Sister thought they might be able to talk some sense into him.

I can tell by his face he's not buying it.

Tonight when we were about to leave Mom and Dad's to come home I told James to put his pants on.  He ended getting both legs through one leg hole and out another leg hole and the waist.  Hmmm...seems like we need to work on this skill a little bit.

Then he did this and wanted me to take a picture.  Whatever.

We are deep in the middle of getting everything ready for the Relay this Friday.  This has been a difficult day (and last night) for me emotionally.  I hate cancer.  I hate that my child has cancer.  I hate that it is something I think about all day every day.  Being involved in the Relay gives me something to focus on though.  Maybe a cure for cancer will be discovered!  Maybe it will be in Jude's lifetime.  Walking into the dinner last night was difficult for me.  It made me sad to see Jude's smiling beautiful face on a cancer story display.  It made me sad that this is his story.  But I have to remain hopeful.  The Bible tells me that those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed.

Psalm 33:20-We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.

Psalm 119:116-Sustain me, my God, according to Your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.

Isaiah 40:31-Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. 

Isaiah 49:23b-Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in Me will not be disappointed.