James has this crazy new addiction to apples ("appos"). He cannot get enough of them. Today he ate an apple down to the seeds...then he totally freaked out when I threw it away. "MY APPO!!!!!!!" So I gave the slimy, brown, dangley, nasty thing back to him. Weird. I finally nabbed it when he wasn't watching and got rid of it. Ick.
I am so crazy about this kid. He is so funny lately. He can be so darling and cheerful and happy one second and then a big dark thundercloud the next. He has a temper on him. As of right now, it just makes me laugh because I think it is so cute. We will see how I feel about it when he enters the twos. What is cute on a 9 month old is not so cute on a 2 year old.
He even saw a batch of cookies I just made and passed them up for an apple! What?!?!? He definitely has his father's appetite and restraint.
Tomorrow begins Jude's week of scans. Ugh. I'm dreading this. We will be getting started early tomorrow morning with a CT scan. We would be so grateful for your prayers...mainly that there is no new cancer but also that things go smoothly and untraumatically (is that a word? spellcheck says no.) for Jude. We've had some issues getting the pre-authorization so I also pray that doesn't hold things up in any way.
Just to be honest with you...I am so scared about tomorrow. I don't know that I will ever go back to one of these scans without being scared. All I have been able to think about today is that first sono and CT we had in March when we found the tumor. I was so blindsided. I don't want to be again. So I guess I feel like it is better to prepare myself for the worst and then be joyful over a positive outcome. How weird is that??? I am sure I need therapy. Please don't psychoanalyze me...or if you do...just don't tell me how screwed up I am. But for reals...there is nothing like thinking you have a healthy child one day and a radiologist tell you he has cancer the next. You are never the same. I will always worry. The other day someone flippantly told me "not to worry about it". I can only assume he never had a child diagnosed with cancer. Although I know his heart was in the right place and he was making a feeble attempt at being comforting...that is really not something you tell a mother whose baby has cancer. Anyways...I will be glad to get this week behind us.
Psalm 121:1-3- I lift up my eyes to the mountains-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-He who watches over you will not slumber.
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Anyway, you are amazing.
I can ONLY imagine what you are going through. I can't but I can sure try. {{{Hugs}}}
As for the Appos...mom!! Don't throw it away until he is ready. Don't ya know that the brown nastiness makes it tastey!?