Run

One week ago today I found out my baby boy has cancer. Cancer. It still doesn't feel real when I say it. The radiologist told us and took us from the sonogram room to the CT room. After the CT, we were walking out of the hospital holding Jude and I wanted to RUN. I felt hot and nauseated and dizzy and confused and I wanted to run as fast as I could out of the hospital and back to when there was no cancer and then it hit me...."I'm the mom!" I can't run away from this. I've run away from a lot in my life. But I couldn't run away from this one. I had to be the mom. I had to stay and be as strong of a mommy as I could for Jude. I had to stay and be a wife to Brad. I had to stay and listen to what the doctors were telling me. I had to stay and walk my child into the PICU. I had to stay and watch while they hooked Jude up to more wires, tubes, and IV's than I could count. I had to stay and sign papers that talked about blood and cancer and surgery and death. I had to stay. Thankfully though, when all I wanted to do was run away and I couldn't...the Lord was running to me. He ran to meet Brad and I where we were...desperate, crying, scared, hurt, sick, and shocked. We continue to RUN to the Lord...over and over and over...several times a day. We run to Him for strength, for wisdom, for guidance, for help. We run to Him because HE is strong and right now, we are not. We are overwhelmed and tired...but He is strong.

Proverbs 18:10-God's name is a place of protection-good people can run there and be safe.

Ok...so here is the latest. Jude is supposed to start his MIBG scans tomorrow. He has to take iodine 2 times a day until Saturday to protect his thyroid from the contrast that they will inject into him for the scan. Unfortunately, Jude is having an allergic reaction to the iodine and has broken out in a rash all over his body and sweet little face. I sort of freaked out (shocking...I know) and called Dr. Honey. She let me come up so she could look at it. After seeing her we went to see Dr. Regueira. He said that Jude NEEDS this scan and cannot do the scan without the iodine. He told me to give him Benadryl before every dose of iodine. I called Honey and she knew how terrified I was and suggested I feed him his bottle with the next dose in it outside of the emergency room in case Jude had a reaction.

So that is exactly what I did. I parked my crazy, neurotic, over-protective self right outside the ER and fed Jude and waited an hour to make sure he had no reaction.

His face did break out a little bit more with the rash but so far that is all.

He grabbed a little cat nap while I stared at him. Will I always be this koo-koo?

So if you wouldn't mind praying...please pray that he will not have anymore bad reactions to the iodine so that we can get his scans done tomorrow and Friday. And then of course that the scans are clear and show no more neuroblastoma. Also for the rest of the pathology to come in for the genetics of the tumor. Our prayer is that this is indeed stage 1 and that no chemo is needed. I don't even know how to ask for prayer for the scans tomorrow and Friday because I don't really know what to expect and how Jude will respond. So I guess I will just ask you to please pray for the details of the scans and that it all goes well.

Meanwhile...James is still rocking his awesome new boots...