My last two posts were reflective of the messy emotional state I was in over this last week. For reasons that may not make sense to some, everything about what we've been through this week has just completely shaken and unsettled me. I am not proud of that...that I can be undone so easily. But now that we are back at home in our own environment, I am starting to wrap my mind around things and find more of a peace about what has gone on.
I've told you before that my Mom describes me as "finely wired" and that was never more evident than this week. But I feel like I am back on track now. I will admit that I feel like I have been precariously holding things together since Jude's diagnosis. I have found comfort in getting a routine in place with the boys and with our lives. There is so much that I can't control, like unexpected doctor's appointments, that when I find something that I can control, like our home or our schedule, I am comforted by that. So when Brad was gone for an entire month, then things unraveled with our oncologist here, then both boys got sick, then we had to leave town to go to a "specialist" (nothing too special about her in my book), I sort of lost my cool. Things quickly stacked up against me and I fell apart. I was not the kind of mom or person that I wanted to be this week. Thankfully, Brad is so good at helping me through things. He really is a rock. He understands me so well and knows how to fix things for me or at least help me through them.
I know that I am supposed to be content whatever my circumstances are...WHATEVER they are. That means that if my circumstances involve having a child with cancer...I am to be CONTENT! I can only do that through the Lord. I cannot do that by my own strength. Through my own strength I led myself and my family into a very contentious week. Through my own strength I caused a lot of people I care about to waste a lot of effort and time.
Philippians 4:11b-13-I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Psalm 131:2-Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a content child rests against his mother, my soul is like a content child within me.
This is not an easy road we are on right now. But it is the road the Lord has us on and will equip us to walk if we will trust in Him and lean on Him and not on our own understanding and strength.
Hebrews 13:20-21-Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Proverbs 3:5-6-Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight.
I'm no good by myself. Any good that comes out of me is ONLY from the Lord. This week showed me that very clearly.
I am so thankful that the Lord is so patient and loving and forgiving. I am thankful that He understands me because He made me. So none of my shortcomings have taken Him by surprise this week. He will use these things in my life.
I've told you before that my Mom describes me as "finely wired" and that was never more evident than this week. But I feel like I am back on track now. I will admit that I feel like I have been precariously holding things together since Jude's diagnosis. I have found comfort in getting a routine in place with the boys and with our lives. There is so much that I can't control, like unexpected doctor's appointments, that when I find something that I can control, like our home or our schedule, I am comforted by that. So when Brad was gone for an entire month, then things unraveled with our oncologist here, then both boys got sick, then we had to leave town to go to a "specialist" (nothing too special about her in my book), I sort of lost my cool. Things quickly stacked up against me and I fell apart. I was not the kind of mom or person that I wanted to be this week. Thankfully, Brad is so good at helping me through things. He really is a rock. He understands me so well and knows how to fix things for me or at least help me through them.
I know that I am supposed to be content whatever my circumstances are...WHATEVER they are. That means that if my circumstances involve having a child with cancer...I am to be CONTENT! I can only do that through the Lord. I cannot do that by my own strength. Through my own strength I led myself and my family into a very contentious week. Through my own strength I caused a lot of people I care about to waste a lot of effort and time.
Philippians 4:11b-13-I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Psalm 131:2-Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a content child rests against his mother, my soul is like a content child within me.
This is not an easy road we are on right now. But it is the road the Lord has us on and will equip us to walk if we will trust in Him and lean on Him and not on our own understanding and strength.
Hebrews 13:20-21-Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Proverbs 3:5-6-Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight.
I'm no good by myself. Any good that comes out of me is ONLY from the Lord. This week showed me that very clearly.
I am so thankful that the Lord is so patient and loving and forgiving. I am thankful that He understands me because He made me. So none of my shortcomings have taken Him by surprise this week. He will use these things in my life.
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