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A Day In The Life...

Mondays for me mean trying to get a jump start on the week and getting everything back in order after the weekend.  And because I know that you totally DO NOT care about the minutia of my day but I will bore you anyways...here is what all we did.  First thing this morning, before the kids were even up, I fixed Brad's lunch, got a cup of coffee, ate breakfast, read my Bible, prayed, talked to Brad, checked my email, and balanced the checkbook for the first time IN A MONTH!  By the time I finished that monumental task the boys were screaming to be let out of their room.  So I drank another cup of coffee and went up to let them out.  James wakes up like a ray of sunshine.  Jude wakes up like a big dark rain cloud.  I get lost somewhere in between those two extremes- trying to take James' breakfast order and make Jude's bottle fast enough all while turning on the cartoons, sticking in 7 different videos until James decides he likes one, passing out vitamins, pouring myself another cup of coffee, changing diapers and trying to adjust myself to James' morning exuberance and hold off Jude's grumpiness until I can get a bottle stuck in his face.  Then I pour myself another cup of coffee.

I sit down to pay bills.  We have about 62bajillion medical bills a month thanks to that pesky little cancer issue so this is not a short process.  Better get another cup of coffee.  By this time of the morning the floor is covered with all of the toy trucks in the truck box, several balls, about 26 videos that James has thought he might want to watch and then changed his mind, 42 books, 2 or 3 sippy cups, half a box of Trix cereal, the stapler that one of the boys swiped from the desk, all of the couch pillows and cushions, a pile of quilts that they unfolded to make a quilt mountain, and a wet diaper that one of them dug out of the trash.  Nice.

More coffee please.

Next I unload the dishwasher, load the breakfast dishes, run the bills down to the mailbox, pray no one notices that I am still wearing pajamas, plan this week's menu, cut coupons for this afternoon's grocery trip, clean out the fridge because something spilled and ran down the back of the fridge as well as coating the bottom of a jillion jars of whatever and making them have sticky bottoms, try to keep the boys out of the kitchen, get a spatula out to scrape the hardened sticky stuff off the shelves and back, tell the boys to leave the kitchen again, wipe the bottoms of all the jars, put the baby gate up to keep the boys out, throw out a bunch of nasty old stuff, reload the fridge, take out the trash, clean the living room mess, fill up the sippy cups, drag the boys upstairs, throw James in the bath, put Jude down for a nap, iron my clothes for the day, fold some laundry, find the "snowy Bob the Builder" because James has decided that is the only one he wants to watch when we are upstairs, turn it up so that he can hear it while he's in the bath tub, put in ear plugs because that song makes me want to kill me some claymation construction workers, start a load of laundry, and start to clean out the hall closet.

Another cup of coffee.

Get James out of the tub, chase him down the hall with a towel because he thinks it is HILARIOUS to run around naked and wet, finally tackle him, dry him off, wrestle a diaper onto him, lotion him up, grab him some clean clothes that sort of match but not really out of the unfolded laundry pile (two less things to fold thankyouverymuch), pin him down and dress him, drag him back to the bathroom to comb his hair and brush his teeth, fix the pillows just right for him so he can relax and watch Bob.  My turn to take a shower.  As soon as I get in and think I have a second of peace and quiet, I hear James yelling that he needs another Bob.  DANGIT!  Why can't they make those stupid cartoons more than 30 minutes long?!?!?!  Jump out of the shower, restart the snowy Bob, forget to shampoo and skip straight to conditioner.  Start over.  Laundry running makes my shower turn freezing cold.  Jump out without shaving my legs, change outfit from cute sun dress that I just ironed to wrinkled pants and sloppy t-shirt.  Whatever.  Tell James to be quiet so he doesn't wake up Jude. Dry hair, make-up (sort of), earrings, wedding ring, fold more laundry, tell James to be quiet so he doesn't wake up Jude, change the toilet paper roll, collect the upstairs trash, go back to finish organizing the hall closet.

Make another pot.

Come back upstairs and clean out Brad's closet and cleverly make him a pile of clothes he might want to go through and donate (my way of telling him he can't wear them anymore), switch his new work clothes out for his suits and dress clothes that he doesn't have to wear anymore and put those in the hall closet.  Tell James to be quiet so that he doesn't wake up Jude.  Hear Jude wake up.  James runs down the hall to bust through Jude's door, flings himself into the crib and sings the "Good Morning" song to Jude which makes him even more cranky.  And makes me laugh.  Take the boys downstairs, walk to the mailbox with the boys to get the mail, run upstairs, bring down 2 tubs of maternity clothes to store in the garage, go back upstairs and make several trips to bring down Brad's old school books to put under the wet bar in the living room because isn't that where everyone stores their old school books?  What?  You don't have a wet bar in your living room???  I thought everyone did.  Weird.

Coffee.

Fix lunch, feed the boys, put them down for a nap, ignore the fact that James isn't napping but playing, feel grateful for the time alone, finish laundry, change clothes because I'm not happy with my sloppy outfit, boys wake up from a short/nonexistent nap, change diapers, print grocery list, load up to go to the grocery store, think that perhaps coffee isn't strong enough and maybe I should look into speed or at least straight shots of espresso, answer 2200 questions from James about why he can't go to Nana's instead of to the grocery store and if he has to go to the grocery store can he sit in the big boy seat and Judie Bug sit in the baby seat and can he get a cookie from the cookie club, but can he just go to Nana's instead.  About 20 minutes into our shopping James starts crying because his feet are stuck under all the groceries and Nana Pie called and said she could come get James.  Hallelujah!  Jude snags a peach off the peach pile, takes a big bite, gags, throws the peach on the floor, spits out the peach, gags, spits some more, then sneezes peach residue all over my face.  Flick peach pieces off my face, can't pull mirror out of purse to check face because it is buried under the groceries...no time to anyways, just pray I don't run into anyone I know.

Go home, unload groceries, trip over Jude, look in the mirror and pull some peach particles out of my hair, nice, start dinner, Brad comes home, Mom brings Jamesie home, eat dinner, Brad leaves for Bible study, take boys upstairs, change diapers, put on James' pj's, brush their teeth, dig out the 12-18 month clothes to find some pj's that fit Jude, pull my back because I am about 100 years old and those tubs of clothes are heavy and it was on the bottom of all the other tubs and at the back of the closet, tell James to stop jumping on the bed, put stuff back in closet, tell James to stop jumping on the bed, dig Jude out of the closet, put all the toys in the toy box, tell James to stop jumping on the bed, change Jude, read the boys a Bible story, say prayers, kisses, goodnight, put on my nightgown, start a load of laundry, go downstairs to clean the kitchen, make Brad's lunch for tomorrow, get coffee ready for in the morning, add an extra scoop for good measure, come upstairs to blog and realize I didn't take a single picture and decide to recycle this one.
Wash face, brush teeth, take a benadryl to counteract all the coffee, watch the Bachelor Pad because that is quality programming yall, get Jude up for a late bottle, feed him, burp him, put him back in bed, kiss Brad, good night.

Comments

bonnie said…
Girl, that was hilarious and exhausting. I just taught 150 high schoolers today. I think your job was way harder!
Anonymous said…
You get a helluva lot done, sweetie!!! I am so impressed!
Steph said…
good lord woman! I wore myself out just reading that! You are seriously super mom woman! I have half the amount of kids you do, drink 1/16th the amount of coffee you do and can only manage to get 1/3948250923849203th of what you get done in a week much less a day!!! you are my new hero.