Jude's Appointment

We had our appointment today with Dr. Regueira, Jude's oncologist.  Remember a few days ago when I told you I had FINALLY heard back from the not-so-special specialist in Dallas and got her official 2nd opinion???  Well, that day she told me that she was going to send the report to Dr. R and to us.  Good thing I didn't hold my breath.  Because as has been typical of Dr. Pass, she did not do what she said she would do.  I am so not surprised.  Disappointed, yes.  Surprised, no.  I called this morning to make sure the report had been sent and was told I would get a call back confirming.  On my way to our appointment with Dr. R, I called again since I hadn't heard.  Frustrated, I asked to speak to an office manager.  She was at least nice and apologetic which helped...but it didn't get the report to our oncologist.  And of course, Dr. Pass was out of town again so there was nothing she could do.  I told her that I was foolish to think Dr. Pass would do what she said she would do and I just wish that SOMEONE would be as concerned about my child's health as I am but that is also foolish thinking.  So Jude and I went to Dr. R's office but didn't get to discuss the 2nd opinion as I had hoped.  I felt like screaming my head off.  We got Jude's labs done and will hear back on those in a week.  I guess I will discuss the 2nd opinion with Dr. R whenever Dr. Pass decides she would like to send the report to him...which might be never.  Dr. R had 2 medical students in with him today so I felt even less comfortable than normal.  He told me that the female student was specializing in NB.  I guess I was supposed to be pumped about that.  I wanted to say, "So what can she do for Jude?  Nothing?  Ok...then WHO CARES?!?!?!"

As we were leaving the oncology office we passed a little girl named Abigail...probably about 3 years old.  She was playing on the floor with the puzzles.  She was bald and had a chemo port.  She was there to get her chemo.  She looked weak and sad.  Her mom was sitting in the chair staring at nothing.  I could identify with how she looked...tired, worried, frustrated, sad, anxious.  She looked at Jude and I as we went past and she couldn't even muster up a smile.  I felt guilty for being so mad and frustrated.  At least Jude is not currently undergoing chemo treatments.  He has his hair.  He doesn't have a port.  He is smiling and happy.

When we got home there was a message on the answering machine from some doctor at Children's that is a partner of Dr. Pass.  He said to call him back and he would get me the information I needed or help me if he could.  That was nice.  It made me feel more guilty.  It's just a report.  Yes, I'm frustrated.  And mad.  But today my baby wasn't getting chemo.  He may have to at some point, we don't know.  But I need to be thankful for today's blessings.  There are so many of them.  I am so quick to throw open my arms to receive the Lord's many, many blessings but sadly...I feel like I even more rapidly scowl and fuss about the little inconveniences that really add up to nothing.

Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble? Job 2:10b

Since Jude was diagnosed I have been surprised to discover the unfortunate bond that exists between cancer patients...cancer survivors.  I hate it and I love it.  I hate that we are a part of that community now, but I am so grateful for the love, support, understanding and prayers we are able to give each other.  My Daddy has carcinoid cancer and has said that he was surprised to learn how much more difficult it was to be on the "waiting room side" of things than the one undergoing surgery.  Our precious neighbor Wayne that is like family to us is about to begin radiation treatments. He tells me that when he gets down he just thinks about Jude and how he is always smiling.  Some friends at church go to our same oncologist for their daughter and have been prayer warriors on Jude's behalf.  People that I have never even met have been so faithful to keep Jude in their prayers. New friends that I've met through this trial that have had to sit in the same place as we have and hear the life-changing words that "your child has cancer".  It's not a club that you ever want to be a part of but how gracious of the Lord to give us each other...a group of people that "gets it".

Looking back I wish I had stopped and taken the time to sit down and talk with the other mom in the waiting room.  Maybe she wasn't in the mood to talk...I've certainly been there.  O-well...I can pray for her and for her little girl.  We've learned that sometimes that is really the only thing that means anything.

 

 

 

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12