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Playing Possum

A couple of summers ago, when I was pregnant with James, Brad and I had a pesky opossum that would visit our backyard every night. We hated it. We were scared it would eat our dog George. So we got a trap from the nice people down at the animal control and waited.

We never caught it.

So one night I saw the nasty animal up on the fence and Brad went out after it. At first he tried shooting it and missed. The gunshot was loud and I was worried the neighbors would complain so he resorted to more archaic methods. He got a flag pole and tried beating it to death.

The crazy thing about opossums is that they really do "play possum". Brad beat the crap out of that thing and went out later to check on it. It wasn't dead! Five times he tried beating this thing with the flag pole and it would. not. die. So the sixth and final time he just bashed it in the head with a big rock. That did the trick. That's how we do things here in the south...just beat it to death. No PETA memberships around here. And I should take this opportunity to mention that Brad is honesttogoodness related to the granny from The Beverly Hillbillies. That explains a lot about his determination and somewhat unconventional method of opossum killing. However, we did not eat it. I think that granny probably would have. Just a guess. She looks like an opossum-eater.

Anyways...all of this by way of saying...my parents have been having some cat problems.

What's the connection, you ask?

Well...it all started back when they took over temporary guardianship of our dog George. Apparently, neighborhood cats would use my parent's backyard as their litter box. So rude, right!? Anyhow, George...being a dog and all...would roll in the cat poop. I know, gross. So they got the trap from the animal control people. I think they trapped something like 7 cats. They are totally master cat-catchers.

So for awhile word got around to all the hood cats that Nana and Papa's backyard was no longer the place to do their business. Until a couple of days ago. Mom had taken George to the beauty shop and he came back more beautiful than he has ever looked before. He had red and white feathers with diamond centers on his ears. We oohed and ahhed and made such a fuss over him. Then the next morning he came in covered in cat poop. Mom was not happy.

So today the trap made a reappearance to the backyard. Very quickly they caught a big gray cat, called the animal control, they collected it, left a new cage and all was well. That's when I got a call from my Mom. They had caught an opossum in the trap!

I requested a photo.First of all...who knew opossums like StarKist Tuna? I mean he likes it so much he is sitting on the can protecting it.

Second...that is one nasty tail.

Third...THOSE CLAWS!!!!!!! Ohmygaw.

I showed Brad the pictures and he started feeling really aggressive. He had to look away.So here are a few facts I looked up about opossums:
-Their babies are the size of honeybees. (Don't let that soften your heart towards them...they are nasty nasty animals).
-They strike real fast...like a snake.
-They can swim.
-They are omnivores and like to eat frogs, snails, bugs, roadkill, but mostly StarKist Tuna.
-To scare off their attackers they show their teeth, growl, hiss and drool.
-While "playing possum," they emit a smelly substance from their anal gland which smells like rotten meat. (gag)
-They have 52 teeth.

I just don't feel right about leaving you with all of that nastiness on your mind so I will leave you with this.He also drools and shows his teeth...but he only has 16...and he's not scary.

*Should you happen to be offended by my insensitivity towards the marsupials...please know that I don't care and you can keep it to yourself. Love ya.

Comments

Melanie Lyons said…
Oh my gosh this made me laugh so hard! I too HATE possums. They are just overgrown rats. Props to Brad for the beat down. Glad you ended with a picture of James or I might have nightmares.
Crissy said…
Oh, I love it, especially the opossum facts. Which proves that I am, in fact, a complete nerd.
Unknown said…
Really funny! Laughed out loud several times on this one. Drooly James was the best part though :)
Being NOT an animal lover of any sorts, I though this was fabulous! No love loss for me! Trap them all! :)
Sarah Hammer said…
i am turning you in to PETA and ASPCA. just thought you should know. i would NEVER do anything like this. EVER.