Some days feel like you've had a spiritual victory in one area of your life or another...and then the very next day you lose your grasp on those very things you took hold of the day before. And it feels like defeat. You have no choice but to try again the next day. Wake up and determine that you are going to start the day off right, and keep it right. Don't let satan get a foothold on your day, your attitude, your mindset, your thoughts.
Yesterday was a bad day. I had to do Jude's labs and that is never easy for me or more importantly, for him. I hate that he has to go through so much. Cancer in so inconvenient. And I desperately want to be mad at someone or have someone to blame. But I don't. I can be mad at cancer but that isn't very gratifying. I want to be shallow and spiritually immature and lash out against an actual person whom I could hurt with my biting words of hate and disgust at the imposition cancer has placed on our family. I want to hurt someone as badly as we've been hurt by this. I want to inconvenience someone...a person...with the same intensity that this has inconvenienced us...and continues to on a daily basis. Even if it is just an emotional inconvenience...which it is so much more than that.
But there is not one single person to unleash that kind of ugliness and hatefulness against. So we just absorb it, apologize for taking it out on each other, pray to do better tomorrow, go to bed, and move on.
On days like this I remind myself of Lamentations 3:22-23-The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.
Thank goodness for those fresh mercies EACH MORNING. And thank goodness that the faithful love of the Lord never ends. Thank you Lord! I need that faithful love because I fail so often. This morning while I was reading my bible, one of the Psalms I read was Psalm 29:11-The Lord gives His people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace. I need an extra measure of strength and peace some days. Don't we all? But that was a sweet reminder from Him.
I spent the entire day yesterday trying to get Jude's labs done. When I had used up all the bags I had and hadn't been able to get a sample, I had to take him to be cathed. There is no other way to say it...it just sucks for my sweet little Jude. And it is a feeling of total failure on my part. It makes me feel like a bad mom. In fact, the entire day yesterday made me feel like a bad mom. And doesn't the enemy just love that? To make us feel like a failure when we are trying our best?
And I am stressed out by the endless road ahead of us of trips to Dallas. But just like when we first learned that Jude had cancer, everything was totally overwhelming but everyone kept telling me that it would all become more normal...that we would get used to things. I'm not there yet...even at 9 months into this. But at least it is more familiar than it was at the beginning. And the Dallas trips will become more familiar too. So will the doctors there. The protocol. Their way of doing things. I better get used to it, we've got 17 more years of it, at least.
Enough whining.
Tonight Brad took James to a little friend's birthday party at Jump N Jive and I stayed home with Jude. I love to have special one on one time with the boys. It's amazing how quiet one child is. And easy. But I loved when Jamesie got home and told me all about the party! He is so animated.
He told me all about the presents, the pinata, the bouncing, and especially the cake. Everything is so exciting to a 3 year old boy.
Today was a much better day. The bad days make you so much more appreciative of the good days, don't they?
Yesterday was a bad day. I had to do Jude's labs and that is never easy for me or more importantly, for him. I hate that he has to go through so much. Cancer in so inconvenient. And I desperately want to be mad at someone or have someone to blame. But I don't. I can be mad at cancer but that isn't very gratifying. I want to be shallow and spiritually immature and lash out against an actual person whom I could hurt with my biting words of hate and disgust at the imposition cancer has placed on our family. I want to hurt someone as badly as we've been hurt by this. I want to inconvenience someone...a person...with the same intensity that this has inconvenienced us...and continues to on a daily basis. Even if it is just an emotional inconvenience...which it is so much more than that.
But there is not one single person to unleash that kind of ugliness and hatefulness against. So we just absorb it, apologize for taking it out on each other, pray to do better tomorrow, go to bed, and move on.
On days like this I remind myself of Lamentations 3:22-23-The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.
Thank goodness for those fresh mercies EACH MORNING. And thank goodness that the faithful love of the Lord never ends. Thank you Lord! I need that faithful love because I fail so often. This morning while I was reading my bible, one of the Psalms I read was Psalm 29:11-The Lord gives His people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace. I need an extra measure of strength and peace some days. Don't we all? But that was a sweet reminder from Him.
I spent the entire day yesterday trying to get Jude's labs done. When I had used up all the bags I had and hadn't been able to get a sample, I had to take him to be cathed. There is no other way to say it...it just sucks for my sweet little Jude. And it is a feeling of total failure on my part. It makes me feel like a bad mom. In fact, the entire day yesterday made me feel like a bad mom. And doesn't the enemy just love that? To make us feel like a failure when we are trying our best?
And I am stressed out by the endless road ahead of us of trips to Dallas. But just like when we first learned that Jude had cancer, everything was totally overwhelming but everyone kept telling me that it would all become more normal...that we would get used to things. I'm not there yet...even at 9 months into this. But at least it is more familiar than it was at the beginning. And the Dallas trips will become more familiar too. So will the doctors there. The protocol. Their way of doing things. I better get used to it, we've got 17 more years of it, at least.
Tonight Brad took James to a little friend's birthday party at Jump N Jive and I stayed home with Jude. I love to have special one on one time with the boys. It's amazing how quiet one child is. And easy. But I loved when Jamesie got home and told me all about the party! He is so animated.
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Jen