every captive thought

Every Hour I Need Thee

2012-02-11T22:41:00.000-06:00

As James would say, "This has been a long day, hasn't it?" Jude was in rare form today. I don't know what is making him so cranky but I sure hope it passes soon. The four of us ran errands today then Brad and James dropped Jude and I off so I could start dinner. While I was in the kitchen cooking I was thinking how nice it was that Jude was playing so nicely and quietly by himself. (Foreshadowing) I turned to check on him and saw him sitting in the "big chair" as we call it pouring James' orange soda all over it. I didn't know a pregnant girl could move that fast. I was too late though. The damage was done. I tried to clean it but orange soda is really orange...and likes to stay that way. Jude was so furious with me for moving him and taking away the orange soda can that he screamed at decibels my ears and brain couldn't process and grabbed a hold of my legs as if he wanted to take me down and do serious bodily harm. He wouldn't let go. Honestly, it sort of freaked me out a little bit. He was like a possessed Chucky doll. Only less nice. And louder.

I hobbled to the kitchen to try to shake him loose but he was relentless. Clearly the orange soda can had become his most prized possession ever and he was deeply offended and angry that I got rid of it. He was screaming so loudly and I was getting a tad upset myself that all I could do was cover my ears and pray. Fervently.

He paused for a millisecond to catch his breath and gear up for his next assault when the song on my iPod caught my attention. I Need Thee Every Hour. The Lord has impeccable timing...as well as a clever sense of humor I suppose.

With Jude still attached to my legs and screaming, I struggled towards the phone to call 911 or CPS but called Brad instead. Luckily he was just about to pull in. He had the brilliant idea to take the cover off and wash it. I did and thankfully it came out beautifully! Who knew?

After Brad calmed everyone down, rescued the cushion cover, and made sure I was sane enough to watch the boys for a few more minutes so he could finish up his errands, he left me...alone with the children. He really has too much faith in me. James asked me to put on Cars for them and I was happy to so I could try to finish cooking dinner. As I was putting it on, James kept trying to get Jude to apologize to me. "Jude, apologize to Mommy! Jude, say you're sorry to Mommy!!! Jude!!!! Apologize!!!!" Clearly the kid gets the value of a well-timed mea culpa. Jude does not. I turned around and winked at James to show my appreciation and he said, "Mom, I'm sorry for Jude for spilling my soda." Good enough.

Unfortunately Jude's tirade didn't end there. He waged a war with James' shoe. He wanted to wear it but it didn't want to be worn.

(I took this video to show my Mom how Jude was acting at the moment)

This is the same tenacity and intensity that keep my little Judie Bug strong and undaunted for all he has to deal with health-wise...the other side of the same coin. The Lord made Jude this way. He does not back down. He holds fast. Literally. This little boy will be something great when he is all grown up. He will not take no for an answer. And although that is challenging at times...it is one of the many things I love the most about him.

I listened to that hymn several more times throughout the evening and was thankful for the well-timed message. I Need Thee Every Hour was written in 1872 by Annie S. Hawks, a mother and wife not much older at the time than I am now. I wonder what was going on in her home and mind when the Lord spoke these words to her heart. She said it was in an hour of sweet serenity and peace. So she may not have had a tenacious little 17 month old clinging to her legs screaming his lungs out while dinner burned on the stove but 140 years later her words would restore peace and serenity to another wife and mother.

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son.

Annie S. Hawks

Rub-A-Dub-Dub

2012-02-09T19:49:00.000-06:00

Two boys in the tub.

Slumpy?

2012-02-08T09:02:00.000-06:00

James has done great with potty training. He only has a few accidents here and there but overall is doing really well. We made a deal with him that if he went a whole week with no accidents we would take him for ice cream! Every time he successfully went potty he got a smiley face. Any accidents would have been a frowny face.

All smileys! (He must have drunk a lot of water on Tuesday).

Off we all went for ice cream. James got chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry ice cream with marshmallows, sprinkles, and nerds.

Jude is lactose intolerant so he got to play with a spoon.

Clearly I've forgotten how to brush James' hair. What a ragamuffin.

Friday I took Jude to see Dr. Honey. Poor little thing had to get another shot.

While Dr. Honey and I were talking Jude was climbing all over this chair. Somehow he got stuck in the space between the seat and back. It took both Dr. Honey and I to get him out. I was glad she was in there so I didn't have to drag my chair-bound child down the hall to get help.

After getting a shot and stuck in the chair, we had to go to the hospital for an x-ray. I thought I he deserved some of the hospital cookies. (I don't know what they do to their cookies but they are fabulous!)

After all of that we went to get his prescription and Jude was exhausted.

Jude has been on his prescription for the MRSA on his throat for 2 days now. He is so grumpy. I don't know if that is because the meds are making him feel crummy or if he just feels overall yucky. I take him back to the doctor on the 20th to see if the MRSA is gone.

When I went to my doctor on Monday we scheduled our appointment for the sonogram to find out the gender of the new baby. (Girl girl girl). We will find out March 5th. I can't wait! I am 19 weeks now. I can't believe I have to wait a whole month. It's just cruel.

Monday after finding out about Jude's MRSA I was a little bit down and discouraged. It is just so frustrating that he stays sick for so long and I can't seem to get him well. I just hate it for him. So I felt like some retail therapy was needed. The boys and I headed out to the mall. I got the boys some things then headed down to the maternity store. I was trying on some pink pj's in the dressing room and James said, "Mom, those are slumpy." SLUMPY?!?!? I don't know exactly what that word means but I think he very accurately described maternity pajamas. Not exactly what my psyche needed at that moment. His words cut like knives. I got the pjs anyways and when I put them on last night he casually said, "Hmmm. Slumpy." Rude. I'm guessing it's a combo between sloppy and dumpy. O-well. It is what it is.

Pedals

2012-02-06T20:34:00.000-06:00

I found out today that Jude has MRSA in his throat. My poor baby just cannot catch a break. We have started ANOTHER round of antibiotics. Please pray with us that he will be healed and stay healthy. I am so sad for him that he has felt so badly for so long. I know it must be frustrating for him.

Today the boys went with me to my ob appointment to check on the new baby. James wasted no time trying out the fancy equipment. He asked me what the pedals were for.

Trust me kid, you don't want to know.

Going On Week 3

2012-02-05T21:46:00.000-06:00

James took another trip to Lubbock today with my parents to see my Grandmother, Dee Dee. James likes to go down to a park near Dee Dee's house. He calls it "Dee Dee's park".

From what I hear, he picked up a girlfriend there. Typical. He's such a little flirt.

Judie Bug and I stayed home because he is still sick from something he picked up 3 weeks ago at bible study. I try so hard to keep Jude well and away from germs because when he gets sick, he gets REALLY sick. It is frustrating when people bring sick children places because it is most convenient for them. They don't take the time to consider other people or children with weak immune systems who don't want their germs. Rude. I took him back to the doctor for the 3rd time Friday, got a chest x-ray, and his strep has turned into bronchiolitis. So we are back to doing breathing treatments every 3 hours, 24 hours a day. Jude and I stayed home from the Lubbock adventure so as not to pass our germs to everyone else. See how that works?

Snuggled down in bed watching cartoons

The Destroyer

2012-02-02T21:51:00.000-06:00

I went to BSF this morning and Brad watched the boys. After a couple of hours alone with the boys, I think Brad is feeling my pain. That little Judie Bug will wear you smooth out. He is into everything. Later Brad went to the gym while I fixed dinner. If you do not keep your eyes on Jude every single second that he is awake, he will destroy anything he can get his chubby, sweet, little hands on. When Brad came in from the gym he stopped, stared at the disaster area that used to be our living room, and said, "What the heck happened?" Jude. Jude Quinn is what happened. He is a one man wrecking machine. The cushions were all off the couch and chair, all of the toy cars were out, he had gotten all of the plastic stuff out of the kitchen cabinet and thrown it all over the living room, the crayons were all in the rocker (and he had eaten the yellow one...I know this because James came running into the kitchen exclaiming, "EMERGENCY!!! EMERGENCY!!!! JUDE'S EATING CRAYONS!!!!), books and toys were thrown everywhere, the movie drawers were emptied, and random food was flung here and there. So yeh..."what the heck happened?" indeed.

But for as fast as Judie Bug can destroy a room, his Daddy can get it picked up even faster. I turned around and everything was magically back in place. It was totally like a bibbity, bobbity, boo moment. Except in a totally manly way.

I guess Jude worked up an appetite with all of the destroying he did. He inhaled his dinner and then started in on ours. Turns out he really loves fried raviolis.

And his binky.

Vacuum Withdrawal

2012-01-30T20:57:00.000-06:00

We are spending our days and nights around here adjusting to Brad's new schedule. It's really not as bad as I had anticipated. But I am still trying to figure out how to get the things done that I usually do during the day but can't now because Brad is sleeping and can't do in the evenings because the boys are sleeping. Like vacuuming, for instance. With two little boys, vacuuming is something that I need to do everyday. Jude is at the stage where he just throws cereal on the floor and eats it from there. I still can't bring myself to just pour it on the floor to begin with like other mother's I've heard about. So I waste my time by putting it in a bowl for him, handing it to him, then I let him do the honors. James and I spend a lot of our time picking up cereal off the floor...he is as anal as I am.

Well, I haven't been able to vacuum in a few days so the floor is pretty nasty. I just wear shoes all the time and try not to look down. Today James was walking through the living room and sat down and looked at the bottom of his bare foot. He said, "Somethings on my foot. Mmmmm...it's a golden graham!" And popped it in his mouth. Gross. I finally vacuumed. Brad will be off for the next 4 days so I will be doing some major catching up around here.

For the last 11 years I have not lived in any house for longer than 2 years...most places have been about a year. When we moved into this house a year and a half ago we thought we would be here for a long time. Then I got pregnant. Again. I still was hopeful that we could make it work here until I realized how difficult it is with Brad's schedule and the arrangement of this house. Difficult will become impossible with another baby in the mix. SO...we are about to start looking for another house. And for reals this time...we are going to stay put for a LONG time. I mean it. Although, when we moved into this house I was 8 months pregnant with Jude and got out of all of the work. Not such a bad plan to move when I'm pregnant. One of my sister's friends has a soundproof room in her house. I am thinking that would be ideal for me Brad on the days needs to get some sleep with 3 kids in the house. And I can hide from the children in there when he's not using it. Maybe I could also get it padded for those days when my sanity runs thin. Like when the floor is covered in golden grahams.

Happy Birthday Mom!

2012-01-27T23:28:00.000-06:00

My sweet Mom's birthday was 7 whole days ago but my sisters were able to come into town today to celebrate. So HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!

All the girls

After dinner we had cake. The boys helped Nana blow out her candles.

What a blessing you are to each of us my sweet Mommy! Happy happy birthday!!!

~~~~~

Before Christmas Brad was contacted by Accent West, a local magazine, wanting to do an article about Jude and how our faith has sustained us through it all. Today it came out!

Discipline and Despereaux

2012-01-26T20:14:00.000-06:00

This morning we imposed the punishment on James for smacking his brother in the head...twice. No television, no Percy light, and Jude can't sleep in his room for awhile. We had a serious talk with him about lying and telling the truth. I also thought it was important to explain to him that we understand it is upsetting when Jude tries to take one of his toys but he can't hit him. I don't think he likes the new plan but we will work on it.

Although James disagreed with his comeuppance he was a sweet boy all day and followed the rules. So we caved just a little after we put Jude to bed and let James snuggle down with us and watch The Tale Of Despereaux.

Same movie-watching face

We have never watched it before and it is super cute. Despereaux reminds me so much of Judie Bug. Big ears, big eyes, two big front teeth, and most of all...he's FEARLESS! Just like Jude. Jude doesn't know he is supposed to be scared of cancer and needles and everything else that he has to deal with. Despereaux was born with his eyes wide open and he doesn't cower like a mouse should. That's my little Jude...courageous and mighty!

And besides just being a really cute movie...I love the moral of the story...that "a single act of forgiveness can change everything".

Jude is still feeling pretty crummy today. He started coughing quite a bit more so I started giving him breathing treatments. I am praying this doesn't turn into pneumonia like it has in the past. I hate that he gets so sick. Maybe tomorrow he will start to feel better.

Living With Boys

2012-01-25T23:39:00.000-06:00

I found some pictures in my camera from our trip that I had forgotten about. James loved getting to play with all the toys at Aunt Care Care's house. My sister Carrie has 2 daughters so all of the toys she has are girl toys...which James never gets to play with...and just so happens to love. For instance, this lovely tea set.

She also made him a super cozy pallet.

So cozy in fact that his Daddy slept down there with him. I'm so excited to get to see my sisters again this weekend. They are coming in so we can celebrate my Mom's birthday!

This morning I went into get the boys and immediately noticed a big goose egg and bruise on Jude's forehead. It didn't photograph well so mostly you are just going to have to take my word for it. It's gnarly.

James wasted no time telling me that he didn't do it. I questioned him further and he held to his claim that he had nothing to do with it. As the day went on details about the mystery bump emerged here and there. He fell off the bed or he got it when he was playing in the closet. Conflicting stories but I figured they all somehow worked together to end up in a goose egg on Judie Bug's sweet head. (Brad said he looks like a unicorn).

Tonight after I put the boys down I heard Jude cry and went into see what was going on. James said that he hit Jude in the head with his Percy flashlight. He also told me that is what he did last night that gave Jude the bump on his head. Hmmm. So now the truth comes out. With a SMILE no less!!!!!! Oh my word. Lord help my children because I just might loose it. Brad was at the gym and the only energy I could muster up for punishment was to take away his Percy light and move Jude out of his room, which he hates. (Jude loves it though because he actually gets to sleep). After talking to Brad, my Mom, and both of my sisters, I feel a little better about things. Boys will be boys, but a little discipline is needed. Maybe I won't call Boys Ranch tomorrow to see if they have a spot for my 3 year old delinquent. I have dusted off my copies of Bringing Up Boys and Dare To Discipline however.

Jude not only woke up with a goose egg but also very cranky and sick. I was hoping the one shot of antibiotics would take care of his strep throat but that is never the case with Jude. So we took him back into Dr. Honey today and he has a resistant form of strep. He is on another antibiotic. Hopefully this will knock it out. Poor little guy feels so crummy.

I can't wait until he can defend himself. He is going to give James a run for his money. I better hide the Percy light for good.

But for now, Jude is sleeping peacefully (and safely) in the pack-n-play. I'll deal with the rest in the morning.

Earlier today, I was busy ~~ignoring my kids~~ on the computer and heard James get into the fridge. Then I saw Jude walk in with a bottle of teriyaki sauce and a bottle of lime juice. A few minutes later James came running in and said, "Momma!!!! EMERGENCY!!!! EMERGENCY!!!!! We made a big BIG mess in the kitchen." I went in to see that they (not sure who to blame...so I'll blame them both) had poured the entire bottle of lime juice all over the kitchen floor. It would have been less sticky if they had just poured a bottle of glue all of the floor.

Some days I think they delight in finding ways to make me crazy. They almost succeeded today.

While we were driving to San Antonio last weekend we got real familiar with the GPS voice telling us where to turn...then "recalculating"...then telling us again where to go. James heard her a lot. Today while we were out running errands, in a very soothing, calm voice James said, "Turn left. Then turn right." Goofball.

My life was so boring, and non-sticky, before my little boys.

Nana Time

2012-01-24T20:28:00.000-06:00

On our way home from San Antonio James kept reminding us that it was his turn to get to stay with Nana. I assured him he would get to have some special time with Nana soon. He wanted to spend the night that night with her but I wanted to get him back on schedule. So today he insisted on calling Nana. When she answered he asked if we could come over. Nana sweetly offered to come over and get him for some special time together. He had his sneakers and jacket on in record time and ran downstairs to wait for her at the door.

As always, James had a great time with his Nanapie.

Wedding Weekend

2012-01-22T22:28:00.000-06:00

We have had our trip to Bean's wedding planned for months now. And Jude waited until the last minute to get sick. I left BSF early to take Jude to see Dr. Honey. He had strep and an ear infection. That made it even more difficult for me to leave him, but I knew he was in the best hands with my Mom.

NOT happy about getting a shot

But it didn't stop him from playing with the Barbies.

After getting Jude settled in at Nana and Papa's, we were off to Carrie's.

The next morning we headed out to San Antonio. We stopped in Austin and ate at Chuy's. It was so yummy until James turned and barfed all over himself and me. I don't do well with barf so I excused myself and let Brad deal with it.

Pre-barf

I took James out to the parking lot and changed his clothes. I cleaned myself up with wipies as best I could. Brad was putting James in the car and I went over and asked him to smell my dress where the barf was. He just stood straight up and stared blankly at me. After several seconds he said, "Are you serious?" And yes, I was. I knew I wouldn't be able to make it a single second in the car if I smelled like barf. I got the all clear and we finished the last leg of our trip to San Antonio. (My husband should win a major award for not only cleaning up the barf but also smelling the barf dress).

We checked into the hotel and fought each other for who got to take a shower first to de-barf ourselves. I won.

The rehearsal was great. The chapel was so beautiful.

Uncle Bean and James

Lindsay, James (with 2 gumballs in his mouth) and Bean

The rehearsal dinner was at the Alamo Cafe and it was awesome. Bean's dad gave such an awesome speech that made me teary. He and Mrs. Bean had put together a sweet slide show with pictures of Lindsay and Bean growing up.

Lindsay and Bean got James a toy camera that he LOVED. I am not kidding you...he took pretend pictures of everyone. Several times.

He even slept with his new camera.

The next morning we all got up and went to the church for the big event! James was the ring bearer and Brad was a groomsman.

Bean, James and Drew (Bean's brother and Best man)

He kept that camera with him

Bean, Drew and Jill

We promised James all sorts of things if he did a good job at his ring bearer duties...a new train, ice cream, and cookies.

He did great! I was so proud of him. That is him with the wedding coordinator just as he was about to walk down the aisle.

The Beans

The wedding was beautiful and the reception was fabulous as well.

There were two amazing long horns at the country club where the reception was held. James was worried for them because they weren't "mooing".

Lindsay was sweet enough to think of James' picky appetite and ordered him his own special plate of kid food for the reception. So thoughtful!

After the reception we left San Antonio and went to Fredericksberg. As promised, James got all of the treats he was promised for doing so well at the wedding.

James was over Fredericksberg and ready to go get his train

Brad got James a little bit more than the one train he was promised

"Sucker!"

Then James worked out the rest of his wiggles by jumping on the bed.

We woke up this morning and had breakfast at the most delicious Donut and Kolache shop ever. After that we headed home. I couldn't wait to get home to my Judie Bug. I knew I would miss him but I didn't know just how badly. About 20 minutes from home James had a total meltdown. He had been as good as he was going to be. I did 't blame him. I was sick of being in the car as well.

Then when we were literally about 5 blocks from our house he fell asleep. Figures.

Mom and Dad met us at home with Jude. I couldn't wait to get my hands on him. He had a wonderful time without us though. Nana and Papa took perfect care of him. From what I hear, he wouldn't leave Papa's side.

I put the boys down early and they were both silent within seconds. We are all glad to be home and in our own beds.

It was a beautiful wedding and we pray the Lord richly blesses Bean and Lindsay in their marriage. Congratulations you two! We love you both!

Doors

2012-01-17T22:49:00.000-06:00

Do you ever have so many good days in a row that you start waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the "catch"? I know the Lord doesn't work like that but I guess I am so flawed that I prepare myself for the worst instead of enjoying the blessings that He heaps upon me. But tonight I am enjoying the blessing. I am so filled with joy that I can't sleep. I usually can't sleep because I am concerned or preoccupied with something. Or because I am pregnant. I swear, I am always pregnant. I haven't slept in like 4 years. But tonight I can't sleep because I am so happy and grateful to the Lord. Today the Lord answered a HUGE prayer in Brad's life...and therefore in mine. Brad has waited years for this. Really...years.

James was busy in the kitchen "cooking beans" as he calls it. He plays with dried beans and uses every cooking utensil, pan, pot, bowl and plate...and gets beans all over the house in the process. For some reason I don't mind. So he was in the kitchen cooking beans when Brad called. After we hung up I started praying out loud and thanking the Lord for this blessing. Later, I heard James talking to himself saying, "Thank ya Lawrd for Daddy's [blessing]." Then he told me he needed a "recipeet" (recipe) from the cookbook. I handed him a cookbook and he started flipping through it saying, "Hmmmm.....let's see here.....". I can see that he watches me more closely than I thought.

As I was discussing today's events with my Mom during our evening wrap-up call, she commented how the Lord moves in big ways in my life. It's true. He also trusts me with some big suffering. Not that one warrants the other. But the sufferings make me even more grateful for the blessings and the blessings help me survive the suffering. I do not deserve the big ways the Lord blesses me at all. But I am so so grateful, humbled, and joyful.

My BSF notes from this week talked about when Paul wanted to evangelize Asia and Bithynia the Lord blocked his plans, instead leading him to Macedonia. I highlighted the following: "God's "stops" are as important as God's directions to move ahead. At this critical juncture, God gave His clear guidance. When Paul saw the vision of the Macedonian standing and calling him to "come over to Macedonia and help us," he realized why God had blocked their plans. Immediately Paul laid aside his own planning and cooperated with God's revealed purpose, making it his own purpose. When God shuts the door upon your desired plans, are you alert to perceive it is because He has a better door for you to enter?"

When I answered a question regarding this I immediately thought about Brad's situation. We've waited so long yet still were getting back the answer to wait. A "stop". For some reason, the Lord found it necessary to put a stop on our plans until He was ready. We don't know or understand why but when He finally opened that door, how joyful to run through it knowing it has His stamp of approval on it, His blessing, HIS timing. So much better than our own. Little did I know that later this day the very door I was speaking of being closed, and closed for so long, would finally be opened. "A better door". I've forced my way through many doors that I should have left shut. The Lord shuts doors for a reason. So many times I have stubbornly banged my fist against a closed door...maybe even so much so that it finally opens. That's no way to go through life. How much easier and better things could have been if I had waited for the door the Lord wanted to open for me.

The Lord is not waiting to slam doors shut in our face. He delights in opening doors for us. And He gives us the freedom to walk through doors that will end in heartache. Then He graciously and lovingly forgives and gets us back on track, headed towards the right door. His door.

Beads Of Courage

2012-01-15T20:25:00.000-06:00

Today was a beautiful end to a great weekend. We had a DELICIOUS lunch at Mom and Dad's. The boys got to play outside because it was so nice. I was glad for them to burn off some energy and get some fresh air...it is so good for them.

Jude loved going down the slide.

When we went to Children's in November I saw several of the children wearing beads. I asked about them and they are called "Beads Of Courage". They are a way for the children with serious illnesses, like cancer, to tell their story. Each bead represents a different milestone or procedure. I know Jude is too young to get it now, but he will eventually appreciate it. I am proud of him for how much he has been through and goes through still. He is so strong and he doesn't even know it.

A Great Weekend

2012-01-14T21:56:00.000-06:00

What a great weekend we are having! We had an awesome family day yesterday, then church tonight followed by dinner with 4 of our close friends, Chris, Sarah, Denni and Brian (Miah and Amber couldn't be here). We always come away from our time with these friends so cheerful and encouraged. They were our first friends to the hospital when Jude was diagnosed. And they have been true friends to Brad for years. We are blessed to have them in our lives.

Our pastor, Tommy is doing a marriage series right now and tonight's message was great. If you have time to listen to it, you won't regret it. Click here.

Jude Update

2012-01-13T21:45:00.000-06:00

Jude and I left Tuesday and went to my sister's house. It was nice to have some time to catch up before we went to Children's the next day.

Jude swam in Care Care's tub...

Watched the game with Uncle Andy...

And enjoyed the heck out of some s'mores.

We left Wednesday morning to go to Children's. This was a much better appointment than last time. He was such a sweet boy while we waited, especially considering he hadn't eaten since the night before.

Running laps in the waiting room

Time for a breather

Played the piano

We were both bored and tired

Jude crawled in the "dirty toy" bin

The MRI lasted about an hour then they brought him back into the little room I was waiting for him in and they recovered him in there.

I asked the RT how many sticks it took to get his iv in. Of course it only took one!!!! Much better than the 14 it took them here. It is so nice to work with people who know what they are doing.

Jude finally woke up and was the most cranky I have ever seen him. I hear that is normal. But whew...I was not prepared for that. Once we were released I drove to our hotel as fast as I could. I got checked in and to our room and tried to get him happy. He was not having it. He couldn't walk because of the anesthesia and it was making him super angry. I gave him a cup of cheerios and he flung them all over our room and rolled around on the floor crying. After a couple of hours he calmed down and ate and cheered up. So I decided we should have a little date at Uncle Julio's. Like his Daddy, he is a big fan of Julio's tortillas.

We went back to the hotel and Jude played a little before bed.

If there is an empty tub, drawer, basket, or bin, he will crawl into it. He did this about 200 times before he wanted to go to bed. He was tired.

The next morning he was up and ready for his appointment at the clinic.

Last time we were at the clinic we had a 5 hour wait. This time we were back before I even had time to sit down and take a sip of my coffee. They drew some blood from Jude and he was not happy about it at all. He didn't like his big purple finger.

We talked to our doctor and met the new NB specialist, Dr. Watt. She is very nice and was so good with Jude. I know we are in good hands. Dr. Plummer told us that Jude's MRI was normal. We aren't going to do a repeat bone marrow now. We will continue to watch his labs each month and go back in March for more scans. That will be the year mark. Then we can go to labs every other month and scans every 6 months.

Meanwhile...

James had way too much fun at Nana and Papa's. When I got back into town and went to pick him up he didn't want to leave Nana's. I love that he has so much fun with my parents.

Brad was off today and we had a great day with our little family. James said, "this is a 'booful' (beautiful) family day!" We took the boys to Jump N Jive...it was Jude's first time to go there. Then lunch, naps, shopping, and dinner.

We have a short week then Brad, James and I will be going to San Antonio for Bean's wedding. I'm not looking forward to being away from my little Judie Bug. This will be the first time I've ever left him.

What A Day

2012-01-09T22:57:00.000-06:00

Jude and I leave tomorrow for Dallas and I am dreading it. I spent the entire day getting ready. I got a call this afternoon from Children's Medical Center with a problem with our insurance. It took me several hours to get it all worked out...several hours that I really didn't have to spare today. In the end...the girl I was talking to at the hospital was wrong and I was right. (That doesn't happen very often). She put up a good fight though. It was like she just wanted me to have to pay a ton of extra money...as if it was going directly into her pocket. When I finally got her to understand that our insurance was going to cover his scans she said, "Well, you will still have a bill for the anesthesia!" Ok...so I guess I just need to know that Teresa at Children's wants to make sure I have a big fat bill to take home with me, one way or the other. Because that is what every mother of a child with cancer wants to deal with...on top of the thousands of dollars of medical bills we are already paying. I hope she went to bed happy tonight.

Then I wanted to make a quick call to the cell phone company to ask why I am not getting all of my emails on my phone.

There is NO SUCH THING as a quick call to the cell phone company.

After the guy who was totally annoyed that he was having to talk to a frazzled, technologically un-savvy, mother with kids screaming in the background totally screwed up my phone, he just gave me the number for Apple and told me to call them...making it perfectly and painfully clear that he didn't have time to walk me through the basics of being an iPhone owner. Wish I had done that in the first place because I got this adorable, sweet, patient, kind girl who walked me through the whole terrible process of updating, restoring, backing up, syncing, losing all my music, pictures, contacts, etc, getting them back, and it only took us 2 hours. But she was so pleasant and calm the whole time! THANK YOU! But remind me to NEVER do another iPhone update, ever.

So somewhere between all of the hours spent on the phone with the hospital, insurance, cell phone company, and Apple, I did our laundry, packed, ran and got a Starbucks, ironed, went to my ob appointment to hear the baby's heartbeat, dropped off Brad's dry cleaning, ordered dinner, made Brad's lunch for tomorrow, cleaned up the bottle of nail polish Jude broke all over the bathroom, himself, and the laundry, and tried to mother two wild little monkey boys.

But this little guy kept me laughing all day.

These were stickers from his kids meal. He left them on for over an hour. He is such a goof-ball. I love it! I took this picture when I was on the phone with the lovely gal from Children's. Maybe he knew I needed some comedic relief at the moment.

Jude's MRI is on Wednesday. This will help determine if we will do a repeat bone marrow biopsy to see what the cancer in his bone marrow is doing. I am hoping we will do a biopsy so we will know definitively what is going on in there. Neuroblastoma can spontaneously go into remission but there is no way of knowing if it has or not without doing a repeat biopsy. I guess I am just wanting to be able to say that Jude is cancer-free, or in remission, or something besides, "my son has cancer". I was all prepared to be able to say that 2 weeks after his surgery when we got the pathology back. Instead we got back a diagnosis of stage 4s...meaning it had metastasized to his bone marrow. So it is like this cloud hanging over our heads...not being able to say he is in remission. If it is still there, then it is what it is. But if is has spontaneously gone into remission, I want to be able to joyfully say that he is "Cancer Free". I just want that peace of mind. I don't know if we will get it or not, but that is what I am praying for.

I will update after Jude's appointments on Wednesday and Thursday. Until then, thank you so much for your prayers for Judie Bug, the sedation, MRI, clinic appointment, and our safe travel.

An Adventure

2012-01-07T21:24:00.000-06:00

Mom and Dad took James to Lubbock with them to see Dee Dee and Donna today. Oh boy did he have a big adventure! They stopped half-way for lunch. Guess where?

Clearly James does not share my deep-seated fear of clowns.

Lots of fun was had on the road. Sweet Nana sat in the back with James and kept him entertained.

Or maybe he kept Nana entertained.

Then James got to visit with his great grandmother, Dee Dee.

Next Nana took him down to the park near Dee Dee's house.

James had such a wonderful, fun day. I am so grateful that he has such a wonderful Nana and Papa who love him so much and love to spend time with him and Jude. We are blessed indeed!

Kisses

2012-01-06T21:28:00.000-06:00

Brad scraped his head today and James noticed it while we were all playing before bedtime. James said, "Oh no Daddy! You have a boo-boo!" He kissed it and asked Brad if it was better. Brad said, "Yes, but why don't you pray for me too." James said, "Dear Lawrd, Daddy's boo-boo. Amen." I love to hear James' prayers. They are always so cute and sincere...and straight to the point. None of that unnecessary wordiness that grown-ups use.

Jude has been giving us lots of kisses lately. I love when babies learn how to give kisses and you get those precious wide open mouth juicy kisses. It's just the best. And I will take all the kisses I can get from this sweet face.

Jude and I leave for Dallas on Tuesday for his appointment and MRI. I'm dreading it. It isn't going to be an easy few days for him. We are praying for good reports and for things to go smoothly for Judie Bug.

Monsters

2012-01-02T20:15:00.000-06:00

On Saturday Brad, the boys and I ran several errands. After Jude's nap we went back out to finish a few things up. James was worn out from too many errands.

This one little nap would come back to bite me. This tiny little cat nap in the car would provide the energy he needed for massive amounts of destruction later that night.

On new year's eve Brad and I put the boys down for bed and snuggled down to watch a movie. A couple of hours later we heard some banging around in their room. I looked on the monitor and saw that Jude's bed was nothing but slats. No mattress. Not a good sign. We went into their room and what we saw literally took my breath away. Not only had James taken all of Jude's bedding and mattress off, he had also taken every single item of clothing off the rails in their closet and piled it on the floor. He also took everything off the wall of shelves that is on the side of his closet. One of them, I'm guessing Jude since that's his signature move, emptied a box of wipes too.

At first I just laughed and went for my camera. But Brad was mad. Which made it all even funnier to me.

This pile was a good 2-3 feet deep.

I told James that he was going to have to clean every bit of it up the next morning. I also took away all cartoon privileges, his toy trains, and chocolate milk for the day. That was the only thing that got to him.

True to my word I made him clean all of it up the next morning. It took him 2 hours. Several things were pulled off the hangers so I had to do those. I also moved the changing table out of his closet and into his other closet since that is what he was using as a ladder. We use his 2nd closet as storage for all of their extra clothes and baby stuff. He's not allowed to go in there.

Nana came over today and we were telling her about it. I told James to open the 2nd closet to show her where I had put the changing table. She pointed out that she could just see his wheels turning planning his next "project". So I did what any wise mother would do. I told him that is the closet that all of the monsters live in and if he opened it again they would get him.

The Canary List

2011-12-29T22:28:00.000-06:00

Protected by the dark of night, Jaimie Piper runs. But is anywhere safe when Evil is hunting you?

She's just a twelve year-old girl, bumped around between foster homes and relegated to school classes for challenged kids, those lagging in their test scores or with behavioral issues. But her real problem is that she can sense something the other kids can't--something dark. Something compelling her to run for her life.

All Crockett Grey wants is to mark the anniversary of his daughter's death alone.

But when his student Jaimie comes to him, terrified, her need for protection collides with his grief, and a tangled web of bizarre events sends them both spiraling toward destruction.

Crockett's one hope of getting his life back is to uncover the mysterious secrets of Jaimie's past and her strange gift. It isn't long before his discoveries lead him to a darker conspiracy, secrets guarded by the highest seat of power in the world--the Vatican.

~~~~~

When I saw this fictional book offered for review I thought it looked interesting and thought-provoking. I will admit, the first half of the book had me captivated. It went quickly downhill after that. The second half of the book, particularly the ending, was wildly disappointing, if not completely frustrating.

Perhaps because I don’t know much about the Catholic faith or maybe because I felt it cast a largely negative light on it, I was slightly offended. The Canary List by Sigmund Brouwer is far grittier than any books I ever take the time to read. Maybe I am sheltered, or choose to bury my head in the sand against such issues as pedophilia within the Catholic church, but some things I just don’t need in my mind.

The book deals largely with demons and the “spiritual realm”, which I agree is real. I think too much attention was given to it in this book…and far too little to the saving, redemptive grace of our Savior. FAR too little…as in none. Also, so much was written about DNA and genealogy. Yawn. So boring.

I was hoping for a much more satisfying, happy ending the whole way through the book. I was disappointed. It left many unanswered questions and lots of loose ends. When the book ended, I was left confused and sad that I had wasted my time reading it.

Read the first chapter here.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Begin Afresh Each Morning

2011-12-29T20:22:00.000-06:00

Some days feel like you've had a spiritual victory in one area of your life or another...and then the very next day you lose your grasp on those very things you took hold of the day before. And it feels like defeat. You have no choice but to try again the next day. Wake up and determine that you are going to start the day off right, and keep it right. Don't let satan get a foothold on your day, your attitude, your mindset, your thoughts.

Yesterday was a bad day. I had to do Jude's labs and that is never easy for me or more importantly, for him. I hate that he has to go through so much. Cancer in so inconvenient. And I desperately want to be mad at someone or have someone to blame. But I don't. I can be mad at cancer but that isn't very gratifying. I want to be shallow and spiritually immature and lash out against an actual person whom I could hurt with my biting words of hate and disgust at the imposition cancer has placed on our family. I want to hurt someone as badly as we've been hurt by this. I want to inconvenience someone...a person...with the same intensity that this has inconvenienced us...and continues to on a daily basis. Even if it is just an emotional inconvenience...which it is so much more than that.

But there is not one single person to unleash that kind of ugliness and hatefulness against. So we just absorb it, apologize for taking it out on each other, pray to do better tomorrow, go to bed, and move on.

On days like this I remind myself of Lamentations 3:22-23-The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.

Thank goodness for those fresh mercies EACH MORNING. And thank goodness that the faithful love of the Lord never ends. Thank you Lord! I need that faithful love because I fail so often. This morning while I was reading my bible, one of the Psalms I read was Psalm 29:11-The Lord gives His people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace. I need an extra measure of strength and peace some days. Don't we all? But that was a sweet reminder from Him.

I spent the entire day yesterday trying to get Jude's labs done. When I had used up all the bags I had and hadn't been able to get a sample, I had to take him to be cathed. There is no other way to say it...it just sucks for my sweet little Jude. And it is a feeling of total failure on my part. It makes me feel like a bad mom. In fact, the entire day yesterday made me feel like a bad mom. And doesn't the enemy just love that? To make us feel like a failure when we are trying our best?

And I am stressed out by the endless road ahead of us of trips to Dallas. But just like when we first learned that Jude had cancer, everything was totally overwhelming but everyone kept telling me that it would all become more normal...that we would get used to things. I'm not there yet...even at 9 months into this. But at least it is more familiar than it was at the beginning. And the Dallas trips will become more familiar too. So will the doctors there. The protocol. Their way of doing things. I better get used to it, we've got 17 more years of it, at least.

Enough whining.

Tonight Brad took James to a little friend's birthday party at Jump N Jive and I stayed home with Jude. I love to have special one on one time with the boys. It's amazing how quiet one child is. And easy. But I loved when Jamesie got home and told me all about the party! He is so animated.

He told me all about the presents, the pinata, the bouncing, and especially the cake. Everything is so exciting to a 3 year old boy.

Today was a much better day. The bad days make you so much more appreciative of the good days, don't they?

Snowball Fights & Other Delights

2011-12-26T22:58:00.000-06:00

I hope you had a good Christmas. Christmas day for us was just wonderful! We woke up and Brad read in the Bible about Jesus' birth to the boys. Then it was time for presents. The boys had so much fun!

Trains, Trains and more Trains!

He was one happy little boy!

Excitement!

Next we went over to Nana and Papa's.

Farkle

Play Doh with Madison

Then we could not resist the snow any longer! We let James have a quick run through the snow before lunch.

Mom made a fabulous lunch of prime rib, potatoes, asparagus, hollandaise sauce, layered salad, Yorkshire pudding, and ham. Yum, yum, yum. After lunch Madison, Brad, James and I went back out into the snow.

Where someone (ahem...Brad) started a snowball fight with our innocent, sweet, precious niece. Rude.

She held her own but I couldn't take it anymore. I had to help her take him down. Literally. We won in the end.

Even James got in on the action.

James LOVES the snow. He did not want to come in but we made him.

Cold and wet

We put him in warm dry jammies and warmed him up by the fire. And gave him some chocolate cookies.

Maddie and I warmed up with coffee.

I think Morgan was the smart one. She stayed inside and warm and played play doh with Judie Bug.

James talked Nana into taking him up to the loft to play. He loves it up there.

I cannot believe I did not get a single picture of all of us together. I guess it is because we were too busy having such a wonderful and blessed day.

I hope you had a wonderful day too!

I Love You More

2011-12-25T00:04:00.000-06:00

The other day I told you about my Mom taking Jamesie for a day of Christmas fun. One of their many activities was making these adorable Christmas mice. Mom used to make them with me when I was little. She is infinitely more patient than I. There is not a chance I would've attempted this with a 3 year old little boy. But he loved it!

Ready to begin

Dipping the cherries

Skeptically admiring the vermin

Tasting the goods

Tonight we enjoyed a wonderful candlelight service at my parents church. I pray that you have had a blessed Christmas eve and that tomorrow is a precious day celebrating our Savior's birth and surrounded by your loved ones. I know we will be.

I am about as proud of my sweet husband as I've ever been. Today he made a tough stand for our precious children. He made a wise choice and I know the Lord is going to bless him for his wisdom and love for Jude, James and me. Being the Daddy isn't always easy. He often bears the weight of the world on his shoulders. And this year has provided many difficult and unfortunate opportunities for for Brad to have to bear that heavy load. Yet still more come his way. I am grateful that he chooses to continue to fight for us, protect us, and love us so deeply. I pray the Lord pours out blessings on him for all he does. Daily I pray Psalm 5:12 over Brad: "Surely, Lord, You bless the righteous; You surround them with Your favor as with a shield."

Waking Up On The Wrong Side Of The...Floor?

2011-12-22T22:25:00.000-06:00

So maybe night #1 of sleeping in his big boy bed, or as James calls it...his "special bed"...didn't go quite as planned. This is how I found Jude asleep this morning.

I would love to know how that happened. Was he playing under James' bed and fell asleep? Was it all just too much to take so he had to bury his head? Was he there all night? When I woke him up he was certainly disoriented and confused. I would have been too if I woke up under the bed. He had carpet marks imprinted on his face for half the day, poor guy.

After my confession of letting Jude stay in pj's all day yesterday I thought I needed to show you that I did manage to dress both of my children today...and even myself!

But just as soon as I got them both dressed Jude started disrobing to play with his feet. I don't blame him...they are beautiful little tootsies.

He is seriously fascinated with them.

The last few days have been challenging for me as far as parenting goes. I think it is just a combination of two little boys being cooped up inside, me being distracted with getting Christmas stuff ready, a 3 year old (3 is the new "terrible 2"...haven't you heard?), being pregnant, and a few other things here and there. Anyways, my sweet Mom gave me the BEST Christmas gift today. She took Jamesie for some Christmas fun and had also gotten me a book that I have been wanting to read. I put Jude down for a nap, got a cup of coffee and a blanket, sat down in a QUIET house, and read the entire book from cover to cover. Heaven! And sanity. It was an encouraging book on parenting so it totally helped my attitude and gave me a fresh perspective on my job as mommy. Plus, Jamesie got to do all sorts of fun things with Nana. I will post about that later. I am so blessed to live right around the corner from my parents and especially blessed for all the wonderful sweet things they do for us. Like giving me the afternoon off to keep from going bananas. So grateful.

And just so you know...I just went in to check on Jude.

Fail.

This totally reminds me of that scene from The Count Of Monte Cristo after Edmond has gotten all of that gold and has a big fancy mansion but still sleeps on the hard floor because he was in prison for so long that is what he is used to. Best. Movie. Ever.

But I did put Jude back in bed and so far he has stayed there. We will see where he is in the morning.

3 Days, 4 Hours, 12 Minutes & 23 Seconds...& I'm Still Not Done Baking

2011-12-21T19:59:00.001-06:00

This morning I woke up to find that James had completely covered Jude up in his crib with pillows, blankets, and the toy tool bench. All I could see were two little legs sticking out. Jude was stuck up to his thighs in between the crib slats and couldn't move or get away. It broke my heart. I was so horrified I didn't even think to take a picture for the blog! Now that's bad...I take pictures of everything. I immediately got out the toddler bed and assembled it for Jude. At least he will be able to get away and there are no slats for his chubby little thighs to get stuck in. Jude was THRILLED with his new bed!

He wasted no time trying it out.

I put him down for a nap for the first time in his new big boy bed and he did great! And yes I kept him in his jammies all day. Don't judge.

Today was my day for baking so the boys had to fend for themselves as far as entertainment went. They did pretty well.

I ordered pizza for lunch because the last thing I wanted to do was cook one more thing. Plus, there was no room in the kitchen for me to prepare anything. It looked like a bakery blew up in there.

James refuses to eat the point. He eats everything but the pointy end. Weirdo.

This was Jude's first time to have pizza and of course...he loved it.

I had hoped to get all the baking done today but it didn't happen. I spent the entire day in the kitchen and still didn't get done. That's ok. I still have tomorrow.

And there is no particular reason for this picture except for that I think Jude looks cute in Brad's hat.

Stories About James & Jude

2011-12-20T20:37:00.000-06:00

Oh my word. James was acting every bit of the 3 year old that he is today. He wore me out. How is it that he can be so exasperating and then make me laugh so hard...all in the same minute. He's such a little monkey. I tried all my tricks...the corner, his room, taking away tv, I even told him I was going to return his Christmas gifts to the store. He was unfazed.

When we were running down his list of his grievances with Daddy at the end of the day he owned up to everything. Brad had him come and sit on his lap so they could have a talk about disobedience and such. During the talk, James just all of the sudden licked Brad on the lips. I had to bury my head in my sweater because I was laughing so hard. Brad stayed all stony-faced and stern. Maybe that is why Brad's discipline works and mine doesn't.

I guess in an attempt to show us that he was picking up what we were putting down he put Puppy in the corner. Very Sternly. Poor Puppy.

We have a regular nativity and then we have a little tiny nativity that is just the right size for Jude to carry around. He loves it. Today Brad came down the stairs with it and said, "Jude is not allowed to play with the nativity anymore." He found it in the toilet. But speaking of nativities...last night Brad and I watched "The Nativity Story". It is a good movie and a good thing to watch to remember that Jesus' precious birth is what we are really celebrating.

We have been talking a lot with James about Christmas and Jesus' birthday. He is confused why we are getting presents when it is Jesus' birthday. He asked me, "Are we Jesus?" I told him that we are not Jesus, we have Jesus in our hearts though. He said, "Then why are we getting the presents?" That's a tricky one. I tried explaining that the Wise Men brought Jesus gifts when he was born and it just sort of reminds us of that. I lost him there and he just asked for another piece of Jesus' birthday cake. I am one of those un-magical Mom's that tells her kids that Santa isn't real, he's just a made up person...but that Jesus is real and He is what Christmas is about. If he needs therapy someday for a lack of magical disillusionment in his life as a child...I will cross that bridge when I get there. It's not that I care if he knows about Santa or not...he watches Santa movies and we have a couple of Santa's around the house and whatever...he just knows he is pretend.

Tonight we had a couple of spirited rounds of Old Maid after dinner. James' sitter taught him how to play and he is getting really good.

Somehow Mommy or Daddy always ends up with the old maid card and James wins. Funny how that happens, no?

Tomorrow I'm going to start our Christmas baking. Thursday we have our candlelight service at church. One of my sister's will get into town on Friday. Saturday we will celebrate with Brad's family. Midnight mass that night. Then Sunday is the day! Busy busy busy. I love Christmastime!

A Bloggy Christmas Card

2011-12-19T13:29:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas!

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Photos by David Williams Photography

7 Days, 4 Hours, 5 Minutes, & 20 Seconds

2011-12-17T20:00:00.000-06:00

Jude is in the Christmas spirit!

(Of course James had to weasel his way into the shot.)

8 Days, 2 Hours, 48 Minutes, & 30 Seconds

2011-12-16T21:13:00.001-06:00

We did a little family shopping tonight and then met our good friends Chris and Sarah for dinner. I crave Mexican food 7 days a week...even when I'm not pregnant. So tonight we met up at my favorite Mexican food restaurant. Yum.

James and Charly have been good friends since forever. So cute.

Aren't they a cute little couple! And Jude and Ethan, their youngest, are shaping up to be good buds as well...but I don't have a picture of them.

Brad and I are finishing up our shopping tomorrow then all I will have left to do for Christmas is cook and wrap. I love that part!

Birthday Cake

2011-12-14T19:24:00.000-06:00

Ok, so it's only 11 days until Christmas and I have exactly 3 presents bought. Only 3 presents!!!! I am feeling all panicky and scared. Brad and I plan on knocking it all out this weekend.

Today we made a birthday cake for Jesus. I left the cake to cool on the counter. Later James came around the corner with a big handful of cake.

Which led to this.

Jude stood by James, literally and figuratively. He wasn't going to let James take the punishment alone. Brad came home while James was still in the corner and asked what had happened. I told him to go to the kitchen and look at Jesus' birthday cake. He died laughing.

O-well. No big deal. Whoever gets that piece will just get an extra serving of frosting.

James was thrilled to sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus and have some cake. Of course, Jude was too. He cried when he was done with his piece. I feel the same about dessert.

~~~~~

On a totally different subject...my sweet friend Jen posted the following article on her blog and I thought it was so good. Such a wonderful encouragement and reminder of the joys of motherhood!

Motherhood is Calling (And Where Your Children Rank)

by Rachel Jankovic

A few years ago, when I just had four children and when the oldest was still three, I loaded them all up to go on a walk. After the final sippy cup had found a place and we were ready to go, my two-year-old turned to me and said, “Wow! You have your hands full!”

She could have just as well said, “Don’t you know what causes that?” or “Are they all yours?!”

Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.

A Rock-Bottom Job?

The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

It's Not a Hobby

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, that your freedom will die—and trying to escape that death by running into the arms of death.

Run to the Cross

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.

Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is resurrection life, life that cannot be contained by death, the kind of life that is only possible when you have been to the cross and back.

The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.

The Question Is How

The question here is not whether you are representing the gospel, it is how you are representing it. Have you given your life to your children resentfully? Do you tally every thing you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? Or do you give them life the way God gave it to us—freely?

It isn’t enough to pretend. You might fool a few people. That person in line at the store might believe you when you plaster on a fake smile, but your children won’t. They know exactly where they stand with you. They know the things that you rate above them. They know everything you resent and hold against them. They know that you faked a cheerful answer to that lady, only to whisper threats or bark at them in the car.

Children know the difference between a mother who is saving face to a stranger and a mother who defends their life and their worth with her smile, her love, and her absolute loyalty.

Hands Full of Good Things

When my little girl told me, “Your hands are full!” I was so thankful that she already knew what my answer would be. It was the same one that I always gave: “Yes they are—full of good things!”

Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.

Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.

Rachel Jankovic is a wife, homemaker, and mother. She is the author of "Loving the Little Years" and blogs at Femina. Her husband is Luke, and they have five children: Evangeline (5), Daphne (4), Chloe (2), Titus (2), and Blaire (5 months).

Opposites

2011-12-13T20:16:00.000-06:00

James has started confessing his sins of the day to his Daddy the second he walks into the door after work. For example, yesterday Brad walked in the door and James ran over to him, hugged him, and then said, "I tee-tee'd in my underpants, I pushed Judie Bug's baby bed to the middle of the room, and I pooped in my underpants." I guess he thinks that if he gets it all out of the way then they can get busy having fun. I like to see what it is he thinks he needs to confess.

Tonight he helped me cook dinner. I use the term "cooked" very loosely because it was just chili dogs and mac & cheese. James doesn't eat any of that stuff so he didn't really know what the hotdogs were. He asked and I told him, "wienies". When I sat everything on the table he asked if I was going to eat one of the "meanies".

This is James after I got out of the shower one morning and he had put a clip in his hair and my jewelry on and said he was "getting his dressed on for the day". He hears me say I'm "getting dressed". Please Lord let this next child be a girl!!! I need to be ok with one of my children playing dress-up.

Jude on the other hand...he is rough, aggressive, he eats anything and everything, he doesn't like to be fussed over, messed with or groomed.

I love that I have two little opposites.

On his 3rd muffin of the morning

More Decorating

2011-12-11T21:05:00.001-06:00

Today we decorated Nana and Papa's Christmas tree with them. The boys loved it! Mom had on the old Christmas records that I grew up listening to. At one point I found Jude dancing to the music. James enjoyed a cup of hot cocoa in a "big boy" mug.

Jamesie was a real slave-driver when it came to putting up ALL the ornaments. My Mom has about 20 zillion ornaments and James was determined that we would get every last one hung on the tree. Even this freaky looking snowman I made when I was a little girl.

Jude still has a few issues with certain Christmas decorations. He only wanted to hang up the soft ones.

By the way...Jude is orange because his favorite foods are orange...like sweet potatoes, lasagna, spaghetti. He's like a cute little Oompa Loompa.

Later the boys played with their nativity. Now that Jude is so mobile and fearless...he insists on being on top of the table.

Most of you know that this has not been the easiest year for our family. There have been several difficulties but also many answered prayers and blessings. Mainly our sweet little Jude. Jude being diagnosed with cancer was certainly our biggest challenge. But through that we've seen the Lord draw us closer to Him and closer to each other. Still, when other things happen (like my husband being hit by a car) it is so easy to get overwhelmed and discouraged and wish for a break. My sweet friend Courtney that I met at Children's had the following devotion on her blog and I wanted to share it because it meant so much to me. Courtney's son is bravely battling cancer right now. They are an inspiration and blessing. This devotion is a good reminder to me keep my eyes on the Lord even when my circumstances seem impossible.

God rescues and saves people and does mighty miracles in heaven and on earth. He is the one who saved Daniel from the power of the lions. Daniel 6:27

…Imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. Hebrews 6:12

Are you facing a challenge today that seems overwhelming? Through faith and patience, God’s Word says that you will see His promises come to pass in your life. Understand that the enemy always fights the hardest when he knows you are closest to your breakthrough. He’d leave you alone if he thought you were going to live in mediocrity. But if you’ll keep pressing toward your promise and following the Word of God, you will get there. Don’t be like the Israelites in the Old Testament who were right next to their promised land when they talked themselves out of it. They said, “There are giants in the land. It’s too difficult.” No, don’t look at the obstacles in your life today; lift up your eyes because you serve Almighty God. Instead, follow the example of Abraham who believed God even when his circumstances looked impossible. Remember, God rewards the people who seek after Him. Stand in faith and keep believing because God will take you places that you never dreamed. As you press toward the promise, you will see His hand of blessing, and you will live in the victory He has prepared for you. -Joel Osteen

Three's A Crowd

2011-12-09T20:43:00.000-06:00

Tonight James told me that when the new baby comes we can just give Jude away. I told him that is not how it works and that we would be keeping all three of our children. He didn't like that plan. At dinner I was telling Brad about this conversation and James chimed in and said that we could just keep Jude and the new baby and he would go live with Nana. I see where we stand.

And The Hits Just Keep On Coming

2011-12-07T21:41:00.000-06:00

Brad was hit by a car tonight while he was out for a run. A lady ran a stop sign and hit him. My worst fear every single time he leaves to go on a run is that he is going to get hit. Tonight while I was fixing dinner I got a call from a weird number and I knew. He was calling from the ladies cell phone that hit him. I answered and he told me he had just been hit by a car and I needed to come and get him. I called my parents and asked them to come over and stay with the boys. Our precious neighbor, Mr. Edwards, came and stayed with the boys until Mom and Dad could get there so I could go ahead and go.

I think Brad was in shock when I got there. He wasn't thinking rationally. We went to the doctor and called the police while we waited. An officer came and took our report. Brad got x-rays and obviously nothing is broken...thank you Lord. But his leg is very swollen and cut up. So are his hands. His neck and back are hurt pretty badly as well. We will have to do an MRI to see if there is any ligament damage. For now he is just in a lot of pain and I have a feeling tomorrow will be worse.

It is amazing how quickly things can change. I am praising the Lord that is was not worse. It could have been so much worse. Thank you Lord for protecting my sweet husband. Before Brad left to go on his run, Jamesie said, "Don't leave us, Daddy!" Brad said he should have listened.

~~~~~~

Today James had his very first dentist appointment! And he did great!!!! He didn't even need me to go back with him. He just jumped up and went right on back like a champ! I was so proud...and a little bit teary that he didn't need me. He didn't have any cavities and was a big brave boy the whole time. The dentist said to keep doing what we're doing because he teeth looked great. He was most pleased with the haul he made. A cup full of goodies!

Jude scored a new toothbrush too. He was psyched. Now we can get busy brushing all 4 of his teeth.

But the best part of the day was when Nana kept Jamesie so I could go to BSF. She built a snowman with him in the back yard. Best. Nana. Ever. James was so happy about it! (Isn't my Mom a beauty!)

We are so blessed to have my parents so close. I know I say it all the time but today I was extra grateful. I know I have so much to be thankful for everyday...but some days I am reminded of just how much.

Psalm 91:14-16-"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

He Gets His Way

2011-12-06T18:47:00.000-06:00

I put James up in bed with me to watch a Christmas cartoon and Brad was on his way out the door to go to the gym. James looked at him and said, "But I thought you were going to lay with me???" That's all it took. The muscles will have to wait.

Wrestling

2011-12-03T20:51:00.000-06:00

We had a fun day with just our little family today. The boys love wrestling with their Daddy.

Jude diving into the action

Remember a few weeks ago when something happened to Judie Bug's best blankie that he has with him everywhere he goes? Yesterday we got a brand new one that Aunt Mary made for him! Jude was SO excited! He hasn't let it out of his sight.

Jude was also very proud of himself because he got up at the art table all by himself!

Such a big boy!

Contrary to what this video shows...Jude really is doing so well walking. He walks more than he crawls now. I am just having trouble catching it on video. I wonder why that is?!?!?!

Camera hog.

Uncle Bean

2011-12-01T21:29:00.000-06:00

I must have the energy level of a weak kitten because if I do one little thing in the day I am tired and worn out and pretty much worthless for the rest of the day. That has mostly everything to do with being pregnant and all but still...sheesh! I feel lame. Maybe I will get some energy back when we get to the 2nd trimester.

Tonight we had a special treat! Bean came over and spent the evening with us. We've missed him so it was good to get to spend some time catching up. The boys LOVE Uncle Bean!

We are looking forward to his and sweet Lindsay's wedding coming up in January and also to them hopefully moving closer to home this month!

So there is big talk of some winter weather headed our way. I hope it is true! I am all ready to get snuggled down inside by the fire with my 3 favorite guys! And doing some online Christmas shopping.

Putting Up Christmas

2011-11-27T19:48:00.000-06:00

Today we decorated for Christmas! I love it! James really got into it this year but Jude was skeptical. He was particularly terrified of the Nutcrackers. And the stuffed animals that sing Christmas songs. And the Christmas tree. But mostly of the Nutcrackers.

James loves all things Christmas. He insisted that we sing "happy birthday" to Jesus after we got the tree decorated.

I love the memories we are making with our sweet boys. I have precious memories of my family decorating the tree when I was a little girl.

(In case you wonder why James is always only in undies and a t-shirt...it's for potty training purposes.)

Last year when we put up the tree James declared that the angel on top of the tree was Dr. Honey, his pediatrician.

This year he decided to put the angel on his head instead of on top of the tree.

Jude faced his fears and made friends with the Christmas tree. Sort of.

The Nutcrackers are still on his naughty list.

Laying Low

2011-11-26T19:39:00.000-06:00

The past couple of days have been quiet. James is feeling better but he's not 100% yet.

But he did get in a little batting practice today.

Jude has a new trick. When we get onto him or tell him "no" he gives us the big pouty lip. So now it has turned into a joke. We pretend to get onto him so we can see the cute face. But he's onto us. Now he gives us the pouty lip then looks up at us and smiles.

(Crummy grainy pictures courtesy of iPhone and being too pregnant and lazy to get up to get my real camera.)

Barfapalooza

2011-11-24T19:16:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving! We celebrated by Jamesie spewing vomit ALL over the kitchen. For reals...I even found some under the stove. When I went in to get the boys up this morning James was just laying on the floor by his bed and didn't respond to me when I said his name several times. He finally got up and was just pitiful. We knew something was wrong but didn't know what. I took his temperature and he didn't have any but he clearly didn't feel well. We kept asking him what was wrong and he couldn't say. I asked him what hurt and he said his feet hurt. Weird. He ate breakfast, took a bath, and Brad got him dressed and took him downstairs while I jumped into the shower to get ready to go to Mom's. A little bit later Brad and James show up at the bathroom door and James was stripped down to his diaper and covered in vomit. Brad (SAINT that he is) cleaned up the bomb site. I re-washed James. He was crying and scared and felt horrible. We gave him some medicine and have just kept him as comfortable as possible. We are praying that he gets well quickly and that no one else...especially Jude...gets this.

We were sad to not get to be with family today but my sweet Mom and sister brought us over some Thanksgiving lunch. It was delicious!

This was pretty much what James' day looked like. Here he was snapping along to one of the songs on Curious George.

We cannot figure out what is going on with him though. He has not run any fever all day. He complains of feeling bad, had the puke, is drinking well, not eating, very lethargic, his breath smells like acetone (always does when he is sick), and is very cranky and irritable. The no fever is what is throwing me off. Any ideas on what this might be? Could he have a stomach bug with no fever? Food poisoning?

Children's Medical Center

2011-11-23T22:50:00.000-06:00

Jude and I had his first appointment with his new oncologist in Dallas this week. We are so grateful to be in the care of a far more capable, competent and intelligent doctor and group of doctors. I am sad that we wasted any time trying to get Jude cared for in Amarillo. Live and learn. But the Lord has led us to the best place for Jude and I am thankful.

Mom and Dad kept James for me. He had a wonderful time as always. And the BEST news of all!?!?!? My amazing Mother finally managed the impossible. She POTTY TRAINED JAMES!!!!!!! I am so thrilled and excited! Such a major milestone.

The first night when James got in bed he got out the toy laptop Mom has and told Mom he had some blogging to do. He hears me say that a lot I guess.

He managed to con Mom into staying up late by needing just "one more drink" of water before bed.

I missed him so much while we were gone. I hate being away from him and from Brad.

Jude is a great traveler. I was proud of him.

Out like a light before we were out of Amarillo

Happy Boy

He played with his toes to keep himself busy

When we got to Aunt Carrie's, Jude dazzled us with his impressive walking skills. He's getting better everyday. And since he had spent most of the drive down sleeping, he decided to keep me up all night.

Carrie and I spent the next day shopping which was so much fun. There is so much more to do there than here. I'm jealous.

Then came our appointment day. I was super nervous for some reason. I guess I just had a lot of anxiety over everything since we had such a bad experience here in Amarillo. I feel so betrayed and duped by the oncologist here.

We settled my nerves by a little pre-appointment lunch at la Madeleine. My favorite place in the entire world. Yum!

Jude loves it too.

I was told to be 20 minutes early to our appointment to check in. So we got there a little after noon. The waiting room was packed full of other pediatric cancer patients. I found out that everyone wanted to get in that day to get their chemo before Thanksgiving. There were two parents in particular that were very agitated and vocal about the long wait. I get it. But there was a Mom, Dad, and little boy sitting across from us that were not cranky at all. In fact, they were...dare I say it...joyful! Joy in the cancer ward?!?!? Joy sitting next to your bald child that is walking with crutches?!?!?! Yes, it was joy I saw. Joy, peace, cheerfulness, unity as a family, Mom and Dad talking sweetly to each other and to their beautiful son. I knew without even speaking to them where that joy came from. That kind of joy only comes from the Lord. They were there before us and I knew their wait was much longer than ours. They were called back finally. We were called back a couple of hours later. Our rooms were right across the hall from each other. The Lord knew I needed that. After a four hour wait I was getting tired and verging on cranky. Their door opened and I heard laughter. I heard that joy again. I heard a child with cancer filled with joy and peace. I heard peace.

A few more times when their door opened I heard more of the same. The more I heard the more it rubbed off. Infectious joy and peace in the cancer ward? How is that possible?!?! I know how.

Finally, the door opened again and the Mom, Courtney, and I started talking. I told her how their cheerfulness and pleasantness was such an encouragement to me. They never showed any impatience. They never spoke rudely to any of the staff or to each other. It was a good reminder. I will never forget what she said. She said, "This won't take my joy. How I act affects my kids." This precious woman was absolutely oozing the love of Christ. Every word dripped of her dependence on Him, her love for Him, her love for her child and family. In a short conversation I was so encouraged, educated, humbled and blessed. It didn't stop there. Her son, his beautiful bald head comically covered with a funny hat with hair, was so upbeat and adorable. He's 8. He has osteosarcoma in his leg. If the only interaction I had with him was talking with him, not seeing him or his surroundings, I never would have known he has cancer. He was cheerful and has an amazing sense of humor. What an honor to get to pray for this precious boy and his lovely family. Will you please join me in praying for him? His name is Tyler. He is getting chemo right now and will have surgery in December. Pray for the Lord to protect him from the side effects of the chemo, for his surgery to be a complete success, for his family and doctors, and for his perfect and complete healing.

We were there for about 5 hours yesterday. We didn't get to meet with the doctor I thought we were going to see but instead we met with two other doctors. They were wonderful. I believe that the Lord has His hand on all things and it was all for a reason. The wait, the different doctors. Dr. Plummer took the cd of Jude's latest scans over to radiology for them to read them and make sure they were good. These were the ones we had done at the end of October. The ones where they had to stick Jude 14 times to get an IV in. Well, the CTs were not done with contrast. Yet another confirmation that Amarillo is NOT where Jude needs to be. So we will have an MRI done next month in Dallas WITH SEDATION (thankyouverymuch). We will be able to have his monthly labs done in Amarillo with Dr. Honey...another answer to prayer and relief. We will go to Dallas for check-ups and scans. At least that is where I think we stand right now. We still have a lot of details to iron out but I have so much peace and relief that we are finally...after 8 long months...moving in the right direction, with the right oncologists. Thank You Lord.

My sister was so kind to give us so much of her time to drive me everywhere and sit at the hospital with me for 5 long hours. What a wonderful and supportive family I have. I'm so grateful.

Have you ever tried to keep a 1 year old pacified and happy at a doctor's office for 5 hours? Thankfully, Jude was an angel and I had Carrie there to help.

Aunt Care Care singing "There's Nothing Our God Cannot Do" with Jude

Catching a few Zzzz's

After a very long day I was ready to get on the road back to Amarillo to see Brad and James. We made it home LATE last night.

I stopped to get gas and woke up Jude. He wasn't thrilled.

But in typical Jude fashion, he quickly cheered up.

Tonight we went over to Mom and Dad's to wait for Christi, Cory, Will, Grant and Brock to get in.

Mom read to James while we waited.

They got in and we had a wonderful evening. I am looking forward to tomorrow. We have so much to give Thanks for.

Thank you for your prayers for Jude and I as we traveled to Dallas for his appointment.

7 Weeks And 1 Day

2011-11-17T20:18:00.000-06:00

Today was my first sonogram. I found out that the baby's due date is July 4th! My little firecracker!

So in love already.

James & The Big Big Balloon

2011-11-15T19:50:00.000-06:00

James has been saying for days that he wanted to get me a "big big balloon" for my birthday. Nana snuck him out and he got me a big white balloon with a pink string. I have to say...it is indeed my favorite present.

He also picked out a card for me all by himself. Mom said that he walked straight up to it at the store and pointed to it. Amazingly, it was appropriate. I love my thoughtful little boy.

Celebrate

2011-11-13T20:46:00.000-06:00

I like to stretch my birthday celebrations out for as long as possible. Friday night my in-laws took us out to dinner. Today we celebrated at Mom and Dad's with the MOST delicious lunch ever...Chicken Florentine, ravioli with balsamic brown butter and walnuts, caramelized pancetta and fennel salad, and a cocoa pound cake with creme anglaise. YUM!

Jamesie helped Mom by placing the candles on my cake with his own special flair.

Then he helped me blow out the candles.

He also helped me open all of my special gifts. He is such a good helper.

As I was, he was tremendously thrilled with my new deep fryer. What can I say? This pregnant gal needs her fried food.

We had so much fun! Until James decided to throw a great big fit and not pick up the toys. He was up super late thanks to the speed I gave him in the form of cough syrup. Then he was up and ready to party at 4:00 am. So what ensued was a massive-melt-down-snot-flinging-fit that got him some corner time. When he finally decided to pick up his toys he more threw them in the toy box than placed them. Which earned him more corner time. Then he had to apologize to Nana and Papa for acting so ugly.

The boys are in bed now and I just turned on the monitor and heard James telling Jude, "I didn't put up the toys at Nana's." Clearly he is writhing in his guilt and trying to talk it through with his bro. I believe that talk therapy is very effective. He will sleep much better tonight.

Sniffles

2011-11-12T21:32:00.000-06:00

Both of my sweet boys have some major sniffles today. Ick. And a certain little blondie I know is having an adverse reaction to his congestion medication and is in bed with me watching tv instead of sleeping. I don't mind at all.

These pictures were from Tuesday before BSF.

David Williams Photography

2011-11-10T23:02:00.000-06:00

If you haven't scheduled your pictures with David yet, you really better get on that! He is the best photographer. Ever. These are just a few from our session with him last week. I had to save my favorites for our Christmas card.

David and Bonnie were amazing. I usually dread photo shoots but they made it so fun and totally relaxed. David had James (ok, and me too) cracking up and made the whole evening fun for all of us. His pictures completely captured the boys the way I see them...their expressions, their personalities, their quirks. I am so grateful to have these treasures from this fun time in our lives.

Judie Bug's 1st Haircut

2011-11-07T19:49:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Jude got his first haircut thanks to his Nana! She cut his duck tail off. It was getting a little long and rat-tail-ish circa 1980 in back and we were starting to feel embarrassed to take him out in public. So we asked Nana to clip it and I tucked it safely away in his baby book. Now that I had that big milestone out of the way I got the clippers out today and went to town and gave him a real haircut.

He looks so much more blonde now that all the top stuff is gone.

OKC

2011-11-07T13:13:00.000-06:00

We went to visit our friends Miah, Amber, Madi and Sawyer this weekend in Oklahoma City. We had a great time! Brad and I were both surprised at how well the boys traveled. Jude made one little peep and of course, our little chatterbox talked non-stop the entire time...going and coming. But no fussing.

When we got there Brad and Miah put all the kids down and Amber and I went shopping. When we got home I went to bed and snuggled down between Jude and James. I was thinking to myself what a sweet blessing it was to have my sweet hubby and two precious boys all sleeping withing arms reach. Two minutes later I was ready to head for the couch when Jude started talking in his sleep, James started snoring like a freight train and smacking me in the face with his arms and then his legs. He is as active in his sleep as he is when he is awake. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep.

The next morning after breakfast, Amber and I headed out to do a little shopping. We went to some of the cutest little shops. Later, Brad and Miah went out while Amber and I put the kids down for naps.

For dinner we all went down to Bricktown.

Amber and Madi making Judie Bug laugh

James hanging from the door...ready to leave

I found out that Jude LOVES fried okra! He kept stealing it off my plate. Who knew!?!?

Okra thief

Don't let those innocent eyes fool you.

James and Madi

Brad and Jude

Our whole group

After dinner we went to my new favorite place in the whole wide world. Pinkitzel. I was totally in heaven. This is a cupcake, candy, cute-stuff, store that my dreams are made of! Even the curbs outside were painted pink!

We got red velvet and chocolate truffle cupcakes. Yum!

After such a fun day Brad decided we needed to get better rest than the night before so we divided the boys and each slept with one. I slept much better, until the house started shaking. I took me several seconds to get my bearings and realize that we were having an earthquake. I was in such shock I couldn't remember what you were supposed to do in an earthquake. Get under the table? Cover your head? Get in the bathtub? Stop, drop and roll??? I was going to run and go get Brad in the other room but I didn't want to leave James. By the time I remembered that we should get in a doorway the shaking had stopped. It lasted about 30 seconds. Brad, Jude and James totally slept through it.

The next morning we packed up to head home. The boys did pretty good. James talked NON-STOP again. At one point I honestly plugged my ears. I love the kids but sheesh! He uses up mine, Brads, and his own allotted words per day. It started to get on Jude's nerves about 10 miles outside of town. I know that if he could talk he would have told his brother to SHUT UP!

"I need silence!!!!!!!!!!"

Mr. Sunshine singing one of our Bible Study songs

We've Got A....

2011-11-02T20:52:00.000-05:00

I Want Candy

2011-10-31T22:51:00.000-05:00

Ugh. I hate Halloween. I really do. But it is always such a struggle because the boys look so cute dressed up...and who doesn't want candy??? Maybe we will cross this moral bridge with the boys next year. I don't know.

So James was Spiderman. I got him ready first this morning and he spent some time chilling in bed getting ready for his day of super hero duties.

Jude was a frog. He was given a frog by our sweet hospital girls last week and is in love with it so it was only appropriate that he be dressed as one. He loved his costume!

Last year Jude was a pumpkin and James was a turtle. I can't believe how they've grown!

Anyways...last week during Jude's scans the girls told me that they were all going to be dressed as the princesses and villains from the Disney movies and I really couldn't resist seeing them. We love these girls so much and they love my boys. So we got ready and went up to see them in all of their glorious costume spectacularness. And they did not disappoint.

We loves these girls SO much!

Can you believe how AWESOME their costumes are?!?!?! They totally look like they should be at Disney World or something. I was so impressed. Then to top it all off...they had put together special huge gift bags for James and Jude full of toys and goodies and candy! How amazing are they?!?! We truly are so blessed to have them in our lives and helping to care for Judie Bug. We heart the diagnostic imaging girls!

In James and Jude's goody bags from the girls were some Mickey Mouse ring pops. I told James he could have one after his nap. He was quick to remind me. It looks like he ate an ink pen. A big thank you to Walt for making Micky Mouse's ears black.

Tonight we went by Grandma and Grandpa's.

James, Addi, Jude and Lo Lo

Lo Lo the adorable strawberry

Addi Pie the cutest cupcake ever

Karin, Addi, Lo Lo, and JT

By the time we took this picture I had tried everything to get James to settle down and smile for one stupid picture...for reals...I literally threatened to take away Christmas if he didn't smile. (I didn't mean it though...but it sure explains his expression).

Brad, Jamesis, Snuzi, Judie Bug

Only slightly better...at least he doesn't look so stressed out.

Scaredy Cat

2011-10-30T20:44:00.001-05:00

James was just innocently eating his dinner...

We can't help ourselves. The kid scares easily and it cracks us up...and him too.

Discovery Center

2011-10-29T21:54:00.000-05:00

Friday Mom and Dad kept the boys for me while I went to an appointment. Afterwards we all had lunch together then Mom, the boys and I went to the Discovery Center. Nana and Papa always take James and I hadn't gotten to go and see how much fun he has. It is so amazing! What a great place! Jude went for the first time too and I think he loved it every bit as much as James does.

I want one of these things

My favorite picture

Jude and the huge snake

Jude was ready to move on so he took matters into his own hands.

They had these big fish tails you could strap on and that was by far the most entertaining for me. Judie Bug makes such a cute fish.

He seemed oblivious

Then you will never guess what James found outside. A pine tree!

The cherry on top of a great day!

He can wear a pink fish tail and dance with one leg. The kid's got talent.

A Tragedy

2011-10-29T15:14:00.000-05:00

My Aunt Mary made this blankie for Judie Bug when he was born. It's been with him ever since. It is his very favorite. He laces his fingers through it and wraps it around him when he sleeps. He drags it everywhere with him.

Most importantly...it was with him through his very toughest days. When he was in the hospital I could just put it up to his face and it helped calm him down.

Thursday when it snowed he dropped it in a big snowy wet puddle. I washed it and pulled it out of the dryer and discovered this!!!! I have NO idea how this happened!!!

Tears actually came to my eyes. I don't want it to unravel. For now I am letting him use his brother's but he knows it is not the same. There is nothing like the original. It's his favorite. I need to ask my Aunt Mary what I should do to fix it or keep it from getting worse.

1st Snowman Of The Year

2011-10-27T21:21:00.000-05:00

Last night I told James that it was going to snow. He asked if he could build a snowman. This morning Brad and I couldn't wait to wake him up to show him the snow! He immediately wanted to build his snowman, but it was still dark outside and we had to get ready for BSF. I told him that if it was still snowing after BSF, we would build a snowman...thinking that never in a million years it would still be snowing. Guess what? It was still snowing. So then I told him we would build a snowman after naps.

Time to pay up. The snow was melting super fast. We (ok...I) built the tiniest fastest snowman ever. But it's ok because Jamesie loved it.

Yes, I'm wearing pj pants with my snow boots. Don't judge. It was a long day.

All Done

2011-10-26T21:49:00.000-05:00

We're done! I am glad to have this round of labs and scans behind us. Today I took in some back-up with me in case we had a repeat of last week. I should always take Nana with us.

James got his flu shot, and Jude got his flu shot and 2 vaccines. Then James got to have some fun with Papa and Nana came with Jude and I to the hospital. Apparently word had spread about last week with Jude and the 14 sticks. Two of our favorite girls at the Radiology desk got Jude a special froggy for all of his troubles. He immediately hugged onto it and smiled real big. They are SO sweet!

We had prayed specifically that they would get the IV in the first time today. I had prepared myself to give them 2 chances to get it in...maybe 3. We had one sweet girl try once and she couldn't get it. So she decided to go get the vein expert, Ashley. She was off last week. But she has always been able to get Jude's IV's. She is precious and has been with us since the very first moments of this awful journey. We love her. She successfully got all the labs drawn and the injection for the scans! Thank you Lord!

After that we went home and I put Jude down for a quick nap before we went back for the scans.

He did great for the scans! This was the best he's ever done. He was very still and calm. Again...the Lord specifically answering our prayers.

Tonight we went and had dinner at Mom and Dad's. It is nice and cold here and Mom made a yummy pot of stew with cornbread. Delish! We are used to eating over at Mom and Dad's at least once a week and it seems like it has been forever since we've been there. It was so nice to all be well and all be together again.

The lap of luxury

Jude was happy to get in on the action

So far the labs that we have gotten back are all great! I am not sure how many more we are waiting on. We should hear something back on today's scans tomorrow but I expect them to be perfectly clear!

THANK YOU so much for your prayers and sweet words of encouragement. It has meant so much to me and is such a comfort to know so many prayers are being lifted for our little Judie Bug. I love you!

I PRAYED FOR THIS CHILD, AND THE LORD HAS GRANTED ME WHAT I ASKED OF HIM. 1 SAMUEL 2:3

So Sleepy

2011-10-25T21:13:00.000-05:00

Our first day back to BSF after being sick for two weeks left Jamesie feeling very sleepy.

Results

2011-10-25T20:30:00.000-05:00

After two very brief, unfriendly conversations with the oncologists nurse I finally managed to talk her into giving me Jude's HVA/VMA levels for this month. And today she actually hung up the phone on me. I mean...for reals...she hung up on me. Rude. BUT...the bottom line is that both level are within the normal range and both levels have gone down! Thank You Lord!

Tomorrow Jude has 3 shots, all of his blood labs, and his bone scans that require an IV. Please be praying with us that things go smoothly and quickly and that they get the IV in THE FIRST TIME.

Also...I finally made the call today to start working towards getting Jude back into the Dallas oncologist. I am praying that it is a smooth transition and that all of the details are easily worked out so that we don't have to see Dr. R or his nurse again. It finally hit me today. The way that his nurse gets away with acting as awful as she does is because this is the only pediatric oncologist in Amarillo. We have no choice but to see her if we want to stay in Amarillo for Jude's care. So she can get away with acting as ugly as she does and no one can do a thing about it. What goes around comes around. I'm just sayin. But come on...how does she sleep at night after being so ugly to a mother whose son has cancer? And I'm not the only one she treats this way. People talk. Especially cancer mommies.

I can fuss and complain and be ugly right back but that doesn't do anyone any good and it doesn't please the Lord. This is happening for a reason and maybe the reason is to get us to a more capable doctor for Jude. So I can thank Him in advance for the outcome.

Pine Cones

2011-10-24T21:29:00.001-05:00

You know that James has a thing for pine cones. Loves them. So we went on a pine cone walk today. There are surprisingly few pine trees in our area so we did a lot of walking. But finally we found the pine cone jackpot!!! You can see how thrilled Jamesie was.

"So many pine cones. High up in the sky!!!"

You don't even know how pumped he was to find the gold mine beneath!

Now I have to confess I feel a little bit shady about stealing pine cones from peoples yards. So I usually stand with the stroller and Jude at the sidewalk and let James to all the dirty work. I mean, who could get mad at an adorable little blondie.

Then he thought he heard someone coming and bolted.

Then we wandered over to Mom's and she came on the walk with us. Until the wind started blowing 2000 miles per hour. I decided it would be best to turn back. She gave us a lift home.

James can't take his eyes off his Nana